To Not Tango

It has been long since I've written. And it is with great sadness, I confess, to reveal that I have not been tangoing as much as I could, as I should, as I would like to. Life got in the way. And life continues to get in the way.

However, the good news is that I went to the Chicago Mini Tango Festival, Stone Soup Festival, the Denver Memorial Day tango festival, and just recently finished the Chicago Tango Week festival this past 4th of July. And I saw friends from far and wide, friends from BA, from Sweden, from Turkey, from Houston, San Fran, NY and all over. We all live in a surreal world when we come together to celebrate, to cherish, to dance and hold each other in our arms.

And also good news: I ran into no ex lovers. And I will not run into any potential lovers either. No. I will not say never, but am highly hesitant to ever date a tango dancer, to be lovers off the dance floor. Tango is too surreal, too unstable, too intangible a love, too emotional and too strong to ever be grounded in reality. Those who tango and love in one basket must live in an ever long dream.

But the sleepless nights, the early brunches, the hugs and the kisses, hosting friends and friends hosting me - they are exquisite. To me, it is a crème brûlée and strawberry glacé come to life. The sweetness is a thing to behold. To dance until my feet can no longer hold me up, the have my heart sing with the music and my body soar through veils of exhaustion.

No matter how much life gets in the way. I will never give up tango.

Thank You Tango Friends: After 100 Posts, Confessions Now Has Readers in 68 Countries

Back on December 11 when I started this tango blog celebrating Carlos Gardel's birthday, I didn't know what to expect. Well, I'm happy to say that last weeks post ("More Than Tango, It's About You") was our 100th.

Blogging about tango has been great fun because I enjoy writing. But the biggest bonus I've gotten by far is from connecting with you all. I really appreciate everyone that reads this blog and, in particular, I am grateful for all the amazing comments people make and emails you send me.

I also want to thank Victoria, Sappho, Laila and Ram for their great contributions.

So, I thought it would be fun to give a snapshot of how this blog has developed over 8 months by looking at the analytics. But please note that this data is never personally identifiable. I only know if you've personally come to my blog if you tell me or if you post a comment using your name (obviously, I have no idea who the folks are that post as "Annonymous").

So, here we go. There are now readers from 43 states across America and 68 countries world-wide (note: I've adjusted this number so it only includes people that have spent significant time on the blog and not "bounced".)

Here are the Top 5 countries where readers come from:
1. U.S.
2. United Kingdom
3. Canada
4. Germany
5. Argentina

Interesting Keywords Tangueros Used To Find This Blog (my thoughts in parenthesis):
"Comme il Faut" (plus hundreds of variations of this keyword)
"Tango Crushes"
"Addicted to Tango" (welcome to the club)
"Sexy tango skirt" (isn't this redundant? what woman doesn't look sexy in a tango skirt?)
"Tango Nirvana" (we're all searching for this, right?)
"How to get over a tango crush" (soundes like one of my searches)
"Tango Sins" (I've committed just about all of them)
"Sexy hug" (I love this description of the close embrace)
"Forget yourself from heartbreak" (impossible)
"Tango Temptress"
"Ways to know if you're addicted to tango?" (see my April 21 post "Top 15 Ways To Know If You're Addicted To Tango" to know how addicted you are)
"Why are women obsesed with shoes?" (clearly other men share my confusion)
"How Long To Learn Tango?" (only a lifetime)

You meet the most fascintating people in tango.

Thank you,
Mark

More Than Tango, It's About You

It's not just about tango.

Tango is the black, bad ass '51 Mercury that we drive in the dark of night to get us there, but it's not my destination.

You're my destination.

I don't tango just to tango. I tango to hold you in a close embrace, to move with you, to connect with you.

And I don't take tango lessons just to improve at this dance. I study for days and months and years, so I can develop my lead and movement because then I can connect with you in a way that is mas profundo.

The better I lead, the less distracted I am by my mistakes. The smoother I move, the more I can stop thinking and simply be with you now.

Yes, we're surrounded by hundreds of people, but they're not here. I'm only here with you.

I love tango for her journey, but you're my destination. Remember that always.

Word.
Mark

Bowing To My Partners: Tangoing With Our Japanese Sisters

Nora's Tango Week isn't over yet, but one of my favorite memories so far has to do with something I'd never experienced before in tango: bowing to your partner before you take each other into the close embrace.

Why the bowing? Well, you see there's a wonderful group of tango dancers who came all the way over from Japan for tango week. Not all of the women, but most of them bow to their partners before they start dancing. Obviously, bowing is common in Japan--I'd just never experienced it before in tango. But I must say I really liked it because it brought to life something one of our maestros (Esteban Moreno) mentioned. Esteban said to dance tango is a privilege. I agree with Esteban and getting to bow with my partner was a great way to bring to life our respect for each other before taking a total stranger into a close embrace.

I'd heard how strong the tango community is in Japan and how much it's growing, but I'd never danced with any of our Japanese sisters. But having danced with five of our Japanese sisters I can tell you they were all excellent--very elegant and smooth.

One last note--I got to speak with the women that organized their trip. She said she came over to Tango Week for the first time last year with just one other friend. They had so much fun that she grew their group to nine this year. We were the better for it.

Packed Milonga At Nora's Tango Weekend

 

Nora's Tango Weekend was awesome. I have many great stories to tell this week. In the meantime, I wanted to post this photo, which was last week.

This photo is of the opening night milonga, which was a blast.

Tonight we had numerous perforances because it was closing night for the Tango Weekend. The place was packed & the maestros amazing.

My Tango Brothers: Making Sure Every Woman Has Partners At Milongas

Guys, let's face it, we've got it good in the Bay area when it comes to tango. Most milongas we go to have more women than men, so it's easy for us to almost always have someone to dance with. And we're also lucky in that women here often ask us to dance, so an evening of tango can fly by for men with barely a break.

Many women have equally busy nights. But, unfortunately, sometimes some women don't and they might only have a couple of tandas (or, tango gods forbid--none). It's this situation I want to talk about.

To put it straight out there, men, if we see women sitting out tanda after tanda, we should make a point of asking them to dance. I've been as guilty of this as anyone--not really paying attention if certain women weren't being asked to dance because I was too wrapped up in my own tandas. At other times I've assumed that sooner or later a man would ask her to dance, only to realize later that wasn't happening.

Most men have been on the other side of this at times. I know I have and it's not fun. I did my undergrad at the University of Florida and our ratio was 52% men/48% women. As a result, it was tough at times getting dates (sure, some said it had to do with trivial factors like personality, but I found it so much easier to just blame it all on the bad ratio). And proof of that came for me the first time I spent the weekend at FSU for a football game. The ratio at FSU was the reverse--so there were 52% women. I still remember my shock when a woman come up to me at a bar and asked if she could buy me a drink. In all my years at UF that had never happened to me. I was so certain one of my friends put her up to it that I kept looking around the bar for one of my laughing friends.

But I digress.

The point I'm trying to make is how much I like it when women buy me drinks. No, no, sorry--lost my train of thought there. The point I'm trying to make is that ratios matter in life and in the Bay area tango scene that's particularly true.

So, guys, next time you see a woman sitting out numerous tandas, please ask her to dance. It's always fun making new friends and it makes milongas even better when everyone is tangoing. There are few downsides to tango, but not getting to tango much at a milonga is one of the biggest. And as many women friends have told me, all it takes is one or two good tandas to turn an average evening into a really fun one.

Tango Sin #4 For Men: Giving Unsolicited Advice To Women At A Milonga

Men, I implore you--learn from my mistakes and do not give women unsolicited advice, tips, or constructive criticism at milongas. Ever. Back before I switched to tango I used to give feedback to women often when I was at salsa clubs until finally one night my dance partner said to me "Mark, I just want to have fun. Can we just dance?"

I quickly recovered from her comment (it didn't take me more than 3 months). As difficult as it was to hear this, I knew instantly she was right. People go to dance to have fun, not be criticized by others. So, I stopped giving feedback to women that night and I've never done so at milongas. It's made milongas so much more enjoyable for my partners and me. Most of us want to get better at tango, but that's why we take classes, go to practicas & take privates. We don't go to milongas to get unsolicited feedback from other people. In fact, it's rude to do so. I've spoken to my female friends about this a lot and they rarely, if ever, ask for feedback. So, the vast majority of time men are simply offering it up on their own.

Why do men do this? In a phrase, it feels good.

It feels good to be the "expert", to "impart" one's knowledge to another person.

Why don't women like to hear the unsolicited feedback? It's for the same reason men don't like to hear "constructive criticism." In a phrase, it doesn't feel good!

Now, men, if you're raising objections at this point against my argument, then that probably means you give unsolicited feedback thinking it's wanted.

Trust me, it's not.

I was at a milonga this week and one guy gave feedback to every woman I saw him dance with. I could hear his pedantic style at one point because he finished a tanda next to my table. I was amazed by his partner's patience. He kept badgering her until she finally excused herself and walked away. The crazy thing is that of all the women I saw him dance with, most of them had better technique than the guy!

If you want to focus on improving tango, focus on your own--not others.

And if you want to make someone feel good, don't focus on yourself, but focus on your partner. Compliment her on one of her tango strengths. I've danced with countless women now and every single one, including absolute beginners, has at least 2 or 3 obvious strengths (connection, musicality, elegance, body movement, technique...). I'm definitely not suggesting you say anything gratuitous. But, men, if you feel an uncontrollable urge to give unsolicited feedback, don't point out one of her areas for improvement. Mention some of her true strengths, instead.

So Sorry For My Absence: My Tango Posts Resume Tomorrow

So sorry, friends, that I haven't posted in awhile.

I've been swamped launching a new website at work & traveling (graduations & baby showers). But I do have some tales to start telling this week about tango, the greatest soccer goal of my life, and the woman I have a crush on (hint: Harry Potter's creator).

Thank you, though, for your polite emails ranging from "So, got any posts in the works?" to "What the hell, Mark?!?"

I'm resuming our tango tomorrow. Please join me.

TangoCast: Excellent Tango Lessons With Christy Cote & Darren Lees At Cocomo

Tonight at Cocomo's was very rich. We started off having an excellent class with Christy Cote & Darren Lees. They even performed afterwards! DJ Polo does a great job playing the music--he has a real talent for chosing creative tandas.

Please note that next Sunday is another milonga at Cocomos. The teachers will be Romina & Marcelo who are very smooth. Hope to see you there.

Best,
Mark

Top 15 Ways To Know If You're Addicted To Tango

As addictions go, this is a nice one we have, isn't it? If you're not sure if you've completely lost yourself to Argentine tango, this blog is officially saying you're addicted to tango if you:
1. Get frustrated when you can't lead your dog into the cross
2. Check your iPod's "recently played" and it's all tango
3. Think of Buenos Aires like you think of Heaven or Shangri-La, except with better dancers
4. Wonder if you could ever date or marry a non-tango dancer
5. Sign all your emails with "abrazos"
6. Think your friends are crazy for not tangoing 5 nights a week (and vice versa)
7. Have thought of moving to Buenos Aires to study tango
8. Practice moves walking down the street, in the bathroom at work, in supermarkets...
9. Wonder how you ever lived "BT" (Before Tango)
10. Blame your cat for not being able to do a proper molinete (assuming you're the lead, shouldn't you blame yourself?)
11. Think it's natural to walk up to a person you've never met in your life, take them into your arms and hold them in a close embrace for 3 minutes
12. Own more Comme il Fauts or NeoTango's than you do work shoes (Women only)
13. Get itchy if you go more than 2 nights without getting your milonga fix
14. Think the sexiest thing in the world is a woman that tangoes well (Men only?)
15. Don't understand why colleagues at work don't accept your cabeceo to lunch

Abrazos,
Mark