Saturday, February 21, 2009

the Tango Curse

I find myself in a dilemma. There is a beginner tanguero whom I happen to be quite attracted to. But so long ago I swore to myself never to date a tango dancer ever again.

I don't have the temperament to be able to see my significant other in the arms of another quite so passionately and not become passionately irritated. When I was younger I was a lot more open minded and highly accepting. Now as I'm getting older, it'll be over my dead body. And if my significant other is okay with me passionately in the arms of another, then he won't be my significant other for long.

While I understand many people go through these things and discover for themselves who they actually are, I know myself. It's a personal preference, a personal character makeup. I'm a hot-blooded woman. I choose to be with hot-blooded men.

And so... this beginning with this beginner tanguero... it's gotten me in all sorts of knots. What am I going to do? I'll tell you right from the get-go: We're going to torture ourselves into oblivion.

It's complicated.


Triman Beaumont said...

... what if you suddenly feel to be fatefully attracted to a beginner tanguero and your Mr. Perfect is sitting beside you?

... what if your Mr. Perfect is dancing with the best and hottest woman at milonga and you KNOW how passionate the dance can be?

isn't it a torture too? :-)

Henry said...

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If you see an event that has wrong information or is missing, make sure to fix it. The site is totally free with no ads, so hopefully it's something the worldwide (and your local) community can use and enjoy :-).

Take a look and let me know what you think!

Just Gage said...

Hm... that is complicated, if I where you I would give your feelings time, talk to the guy a little here and there but don't push your relationship, don't make it seem to big, don't rush into anything BUT on the other hand, hey maybe this is "the Guy" give him a little bit of a chance. If you two really do fall in love then you can express your feelings that you really need to dance with him and him alone, and if he loves you, he'll understand! don't get in a relationship that won't work, test the waters. If there's sharks, don't swim.

That's my basic advice, don't tango but would like to learn, looks awsome.

Anonymous said...

This tango maestro couple I know in Buenos Aires doesn't socially dance with anyone else. It's odd for tango teachers not to dance with many others. The only exception they make is with their students.

Anonymous said...

don´t go with a newer tanguero, that´s because he or she never will be able to understand you. Maybe he/she dances not for the music but other thing. Then when time goes by, you´ll dance less because your dance-love partner doesnt want to recognise that never will dance as you do.

Dance tango it´s demanding, it´s a life experience that lasts as long as life is. I´ve seen great dancers that have forgotten dancing tango because their couples didn´t understand that close embrace with others, that others do better dancing tango with your fiancé.

Who dances poor has the fear about lossing the couple wich dances great. This happens in the tango-territory, so if the newer quickly doesn´t grow as good dancer the only way to get the couple is...going far away from tango.


Anonymous said...

is dancing with someone you are attracted to, but will never have, more intense than dancing with someone you are not attracted to?

Anonymous said...

excellent blog!!!!

I olso highly recommend this milonga description:

Bye Bye from Buenos Aires

TangoRico said...

For me the embrace, the sensuality, the contact is about the Tango and not about a new relationship.

Anonymous said...

After dancing tango for 4-5 years, I met Mr. Beginner 10 years ago. He was perfect for me except for the dancing level incompatibility. Now, we've been married for 6 years and he dances divinely ...after I stopped micromanaging his dancing curriculum...:)

John said...

Funny.. I wouldn't want to date anyone that DIDN'T dance tango considering how important it is in my life. Do what your heart is telling you, though, don't let your brain overanalyze things.

Tony said...


I dance tango for over 2 years now and love it more everyday. Recently I asked a girl to be my girlfriend and we've been together for a couple of months. She is my favorite dancer. I love doing everything with her and I feel it only natural to share tango. I do get a tiny bit jealous eveery now and then but I think by dancing with others we'll both be able to improve. At the end of the dance it's ok because she's going back to my table and at the end of the night we are leaving together. I think it's ok for her to be in somebody else's arms for a bit I'll feel ok knowing that I have her heart in my hands.

Anonymous said...

I see this too many times on the dance floor. The eyes reveal too much to the concerning observer.

I have been dancing for several years but only recently argentine tango. I have danced with many experienced women (not necessarily tango) and i have become accustomed to the 'scene' where many practise the follow thru' of the dance which is a good romp in bed.

My advice is why complicate matters, just become a tango whore and give yourself to those leaders who can really show you how to tango!

malu zurita said...

hola soy malu zurita ( la atorranta),
besos desde argentina y muy interesante tu blog

Anonymous said...

Hi! First of all, congratulations for this blog to all its respective bloggers.
(I've started my tango lessons a month ago -after 8 years of salsa - and found myself completely trapped by this dance, obsessed, although still obviously trying to move my feet in the first steps. I never, ever, felt so aware of their (my feet) existence! LOLOL. I found myself immediately addicted - right from the first lesson.)
Meanwhile, I found this blog and it has been delightful to read it! As for the 'tango curse', if I may say, relax! I obviously know what you mean (had my share of similar problems in salsa, kizomba), and I agree that it is complicated, but what can you do? Certainly, don't abandon your tango, and of course, don't turn your back to this new opportunity in love. Perhaps this beginner tanguero is a nice person and you will find a way to manage both. In your place I would give it a try! Hummm ... Perhaps, sooner or latter, you would come to this point in your "tango life" ... so, why don’t you face it?!

tiana said...

I feel your pain. I married a hot blooded man.
You are passionate about tango, it is nice to share that passion with the one you love, but that cannot be all there is. Also if he is new, he will want to try dancing with lots of women. It will make him better tango dancer. I read this book called “Mating in Captivity”, it may give you some insight into what is the right choice for you.

Sebastián Juárez said...

don't think that much, that's not tango

dejate de vueltas nena

Anonymous said...

What a nice surprise your reply!
... and what about a new post?!, I'm sure that all this blog's fans miss it a lot! ... as for your comment to me, that's a pretty accurate good advice that I will keep in mind and try to follow it ... you triggered me right away! LOLOL ... meanwhile (only after two tango months), I find myself already with 2 pairs of new dancing shoes (I couldn’t resist it … ! LOLOL)and I wish I could learn to dance well - in a glimpse of an eye! But that’s not the way it works … I already know that, and it is still great fun.

Nick said...

Ha! Tango curse indeed... the author was considering the possibility, and musing about the dangers of, dating a beginning tanguero... and then never posted again.

My guess is it got too intense, and suddenly she couldn't separate her public (blogging) persona from her private inner life. In other words it got real, too real to share in public, especially when someone else is involved. Just a speculation. Whatever happened, I wish her well - and hope that someday she'll tell us the rest of the story.

Anonymous said...

Hi, we just started a new blog on tango history...each day we post an event that
happened that day in tango can be the birth of a famous singer,
composer of poet, the debut of a film or the recording of a famous tango song...
you can even search tango principles according to their sun sign

Can you help spread the word by letting your students know about it or placing
a link on your blog...there is no advertising or money involved...we're
not selling anything, we simply love tango and in particular tango history...we
welcome any suggestions.....

If you come to Rome, please let us know...we would be glad to welcome you
and show you around; my wife and I love meeting and being with people...thanks, have a
nice day...well here is the link