Tango Sin #1 For Men: Tossing In Moves Above Our Level

Brothers, before I jump into today's blog, let me say that I've made every mistake in the tango book. So, when I offer feedback for us that I've heard from women, please don't think I'm saying I don't make the same mistakes--I've made them all.

Having said that, I have heard from women that they lose some of their tango love for us as leads when we think we're better than we really are and, as a result, try to lead moves at milongas that are above our heads.

Men, how do you know if you fall into this same category I was in for too long? Well, do you feel comfortable leading all of your steps? More importantly, when you're leading your more advanced steps does your partner have a look on her face of happiness or anxiety?

If she has a look of anxiety or frustration then you might need to bring some of your Forever Tango-inspired moves that you're doing at milongas back into practice sessions until your partner tells you they're ready for prime time. When I was in this same phase I was trying to squeeze every single one of my moves into every single tango--regardless of whether I knew how to lead them and ignoring the fact that some didn't fit the music. I was trying to create a great Argentinian guisos soup from my tango, but I kept dumping in too many half-baked ingredients so I ended up with my own "specialty"--an inedible tango broth that tasted more like a combination of Miso/pumpkin/chicken/beet & squid stew.

So, what did I do initially? The logical thing...I inwardly blamed my partners! Surely it wasn't my fault.

But try as I did, I still had this nagging suspicion that the problem was me, not her. Admitting that, though, was hard.

So, what was the tipping point for me when I finally realized it was me? It happened at a milonga at ODC one night. I'd seen a very nice senior woman tango before & was looking forward to dancing a full tanda with her. We started what I assumed would be the first of three or four tangos, but immediately after our first one ended she politely thanked me and walked away. "Hey!" I thought to myself as I watched her sit down, "I still have another 18 moves to show you!" And that was it--I knew then I had to change my ways. But how? Fortunately, I've had great teachers and when I asked them for how to improve my tango almost all of them basically said "less is more--don't try the advanced stuff at a milonga until you're sure you've got it down."

And so overnight I started leading moves that were half as difficult, but felt twice as fun for both my partner and me. The frustrated expressions of my partners slowly left. I started enjoying the basics more and my technique started progressing faster, too.

So, men--give it a try. Unless you're positive you've got all of your more advanced moves down, remove your most difficult 2 or 3 moves from your mental step list and don't break them out again until they're milonga-ready.

And if that doesn't work, then you can blame your partner!

That was a lame joke, obviously. Of all the possible explanations for our partners unhappy expressions, blaming our partner is the only thing that's never an option.