Monday, March 24, 2008

the Tango that Changes


A dear friend brought something up that was very interesting to me...

There are people we like to dance with and people we don't enjoy dancing with so much. Perhaps there are people we once enjoyed dancing with, but not so much anymore. What happens?

There are people, I've seen this, though have never been apart of this experience, that dance with someone very nicely. But one day they don't dance anymore. Good friends all of a sudden become not so good, because they stop talking to you at tango functions, so as to discourage you from asking them to dance. Huh?

This confounded me for a moment. Thinking back on all my tango friends, the ones I danced with as a beginner, as an intermediate, as a friend, as a lover, as a girlfriend and as an ex. I still dance with a few of my exes when I do happen to see them. We still have that connection. For me, the connection never goes away.

But for others, it is not always the same. J told me that he has experienced changes in connections. Someone he once connected with he may not connect with so well after a few weeks, months, etc. And since the connection is not really there anymore, they discourage chatting, so as to discourage him from asking them to dance O.o

Rather fickle I think. And hardly the kind of dancers I want to dance with. I dance because I love to dance, I dance because it is fun, because I am enjoying the music and I enjoy the person I am with. There are some friends of mine who don't dance very well, their embrace is not as comfortable as it could be, or they try too many tricks, etc. But I don't discourage them from being my friend, nor do I discourage them from asking me to dance.

Sad.

3 comments:

Mark Andersen said...

So true, Sappho! I know part of what changes for me in my connection with various partners comes from our development as tango dancers. For example, I have a couple of friends who are making amazing progress right now as tangueras and it seems that every time we dance their follow is more complex. This is great to experience because it makes me raise my own awareness of how I'm leading--I want to be sure to bring my "A" game. It also makes me be certain to give her enough time to do more sophisticated embellishments. I know connections can change (positively or negatively) for a lot of reasons, but this is an example of how connections can evolve for the better.

Alex said...

In my experience, I have danced with two women, who when they came back from Buenos Aires, "felt" different. Less pleasureable. Less connected. One of them I have never re-connected with on the dance floor. We went from being really comfy and juicy - to being awkward and uncomfortable. A visiting teacher noted that she had adopted a stylist posture and walk - taking big steps no matter what the leader was leading.

In another case, a follower (and close friend) was trying to back lead me, then said something very ugly to me along the lines of "your lead sucks" (when I know that it does not). Needless to say, our connection evaporated in subsequent dances. My energy of being pissed off at her quelched that I am sure.

Anyway....my two cents on the topic...

Mark Andersen said...

I've experienced the same thing, Alex, with backleading. It's a tricky situation for me because I've tried giving one acquaintance diplomatic feedback about her backleading, but she wasn't open to receiving it. We still dance together, but there's always an unspoken power struggle going on.