Confessions Of A Tango Dancer

the Tango Curse

2009-02-21T23:01:00.001-08:00

I find myself in a dilemma. There is a beginner tanguero whom I happen to be quite attracted to. But so long ago I swore to myself never to date a tango dancer ever again.

I don't have the temperament to be able to see my significant other in the arms of another quite so passionately and not become passionately irritated. When I was younger I was a lot more open minded and highly accepting. Now as I'm getting older, it'll be over my dead body. And if my significant other is okay with me passionately in the arms of another, then he won't be my significant other for long.

While I understand many people go through these things and discover for themselves who they actually are, I know myself. It's a personal preference, a personal character makeup. I'm a hot-blooded woman. I choose to be with hot-blooded men.

And so... this beginning with this beginner tanguero... it's gotten me in all sorts of knots. What am I going to do? I'll tell you right from the get-go: We're going to torture ourselves into oblivion.

It's complicated.

A note on cabaceo

2009-02-21T22:54:00.000-08:00

To the person wondering about cabaceo in such places, I will give you this:

I have tangoed in many cities, many countries and cabaceo works in crowded places. The larger the tango community the more cabaceo is used. In Buenos Aires where there are dancers galore, cabaceo is a necessity. Cabaceo in smaller tango communities, where there are only 10-50 dancers total, cabaceo is a clueless endeavour. In the States, cabaceo is less used than say... BA or Paris, where there is a larger network of dancers.

I personally prefer cabaceo, because then I don't have to say no to someone's face, I can just look away. I have stopped feeling obligated to dance with people because I don't want to embarrass them. For me, it is no longer quantity of tandas or partners, but quality.

Use your judgment with cabaceo. The more advance the dancer, the more he/she understands cabaceo. Relatively new tango communities do not understand it.

Tango Classes

2009-01-07T13:17:00.000-08:00

The guy was really nice, open minded and very dedicated. He'd been dancing tango for some time. As we paired up and tried milonga lisa and traspie mixtures it dawned on me that he couldn't keep beat. He also didn't know how to lead a change of weight. He just expected me to do it and followed the exact steps directed by the teacher and only that. I knew I was in trouble.

I took a deep breath, hope I didn't offend, switched the embrace and started leading him. I tried to be as smiley as I could and communicated what needed to go on. When we switched partners, this happened again. The class was milonga lisa and traspie.

A lot of men have trouble with traspie. It's not a step, not a complete change of weight, but a bounce. This eludes many. During group discussions I explained to the crowd that as a lead, you can stick your foot out as many times as you like, but if you don't bounce, there will be no signal to your follows to do the same. But if you take a step, you're going to be late on the beat. It is the intention of a step, quickly pulled back that equals a traspie. The intention is transmitted to the follow and she does the same.

At the end of the class I took a sigh. I had hoped to learn something intricate, but instead ended up fixing and cleaning people's leads. This makes me sad because its an intermediate/advanced class. Leading a change of weight is a basic foundation of tango like one's ABC's.

Tangoing for 5 years does not make you advanced, intermediate or beginner. It just means you've danced within the span of five years. Once a month for five years is different than every day for five years. So here's a list of things to check off before calling yourself intermediate (not in any specific order). Feel free to add.

(Lead)

1. Do you know how to change your partner's weight?
2. Do you know what a cabaceo is?
3. You use cabaceo routinely.
4. You do not lead your partner into other couples.
5. You do not gancho your partner into tables, chairs and/or other inanimate objects.
6. You do not EVER lead high boleos on a crowded floor.
7. You stay away from the center of the dance floor.
8. You will NEVER lead jumps, splits or aerodynamic maneuvers unless its an empty floor.
9. You haven't knocked anyone off their axis within the last 6 months.
10. Followers know exactly what you are leading without you telling them, correcting them or showing them, 80% of the time.
11. You know your basic rock steps, turns, pivots, walking forward, backward, sideways in your sleep!
12. You know where her feet is 90% of the time.
13. You do NOT look down to see where her feet is, where your feet are or possible moves you make. Unless there's roadkill on the floor, just don't look down. It's tacky and silly.
14. You have perfected your embrace. It is solid. Not mushy, not too light, not too soft, not too hard.
15. She can follow you blind-folded.

(Followers)

1. You do not anticipate the next move. It could be anything. (this took me a whole year!)
2. Relax. Get comfortable. Think happy thoughts :)
3. Be grounded in your axis at all times (with exceptions).
4. Understand clearly the basics of tango, change of weights, change in direction, ochos, etc
5. You do NOT do what you are not led to doing. If it doesn't feel like a gancho/boleo, don't do it! You're not helping anyone by doing something that was lead incorrectly.
6. You stop thinking about steps.
7. You start thinking about how things feel.
8. You can follow him blind-folded.
9. You do what you are led, not what you thought may have been led. See #5

Question #3: What Was Your First Milonga Like?

2008-08-08T00:41:00.000-07:00

What Was Your First Milonga Like?

My first milonga was at the Cell Space, which is a very cool, art studio inside a big warehouse. I walked in and immediately felt the buzz. It was packed with people tangoing in a huge counter-clockwise river of dancers. It was fun, exciting, and a big party.

I watched everyone tangoing and they made it look so easy. Certainly it would be that easy for me, too. I took the floor with my friend and I took her into our embrace prepared to look as smooth as everyone else on the floor.

So, how did it go? Yeah, not so well.

I felt confused, chaotic, and stressed. And this was all with my former salsa partner who is a great dancer. We performed salsa for three years and we've always connected extremely well in our dance. But that was because I knew how to lead her in salsa & because she's such an accomplished dancer. Now I was trying to lead her in a tango, a dance neither of us knew. So, while tangueros floated by us completely in synch, I struggled to know how to walk myself, let alone walk and lead my parter at the same time.

When I went to my first milonga I'd been dancing salsa for seven years, so I felt very comfortable with it. But now for the first time in years I felt like a complete beginner all over again.

Given how difficult my first milonga was, I wouldn't have guessed how passionate I'd become about tango. Tango is the most challenging dance and that's part of her allure.

Question #2: What Is The Best Tango Dance You've Ever Had In Your Life?

2008-08-07T00:34:00.000-07:00

Thanks again to dear Laila for providing the inspiration for these questions. Some of these came directly from her and others are mine...

What Is The Best Tango Dance You've Ever Had In Your Life?

I was dancing here in San Francisco with a wonderful woman who shall remain nameless, of course, but she's been my inspiration for some of my posts here before. I wasn't very good at the time (not that I've improved that much since!). But you know how in tango you can feel like Sisyphus at every milonga--forever pushing your boulder up the Everest that is tango? I struggled and pushed and give it my all, but still didn't feel like I was making any progress.

Finally, though, I was at this milonga and I danced with my friend. We had an amazing tango. I mean our connection was awesome & I felt like I was tangoing at a new level. She's always been a better dancer than me, but she raised her level that night, too.

Somehow it all came together for that tango. We finished & kind of looked at each other like "How the hell did that just happen!"

Question #1: "Why Do You Dance Tango?"

2008-08-06T01:13:00.000-07:00

As I was barreling through the backroads one night on my way to a milonga with a dear friend of mine (Laila), she started to ask me some provacative tango questions. I had rapid responses for some and no answers for others.

And so, with Laila's permission, I'm posting today the first of her questions. I'm going to write my own response below and I'd love it if you'd add your own answers, too, as a comment. Here's today's question...

"Why Do You Dance Tango?"
Well, there are probably about 10 or 15 easy answers that come to mind, but I don't want to steal other people's thunder, so I'll focus on the most important one for me: tango allows me to meet and connect with great people.

I've made more friends through tango over the past two years than through anything else I've done...more than from work, soccer, skiing, tennis, salsa dancing, and travel combined. And I don't mean just acquaintances--I mean really awesome people.

It all starts with the close embrace, of course. I danced salsa for about 7 years before moving over to tango. I love salsa, but almost all of my friends I made were through the performance team I was on--not from folks I met in salsa clubs. That's mainly because it's harder to get to know someone in a salsa club--it's louder, the norm is to dance one song with a woman and then rotate, and when you're dancing it's usually in an open embrace.

But in tango I find it easier to meet people because it's not too loud, the norm is to dance 4 songs in a tanda, and I usually dance in a close embrace. And then between songs we get to talk some, which makes the whole tango scene very social.

I've met some great guys, too, in classes and milongas. I can't even guess how many guys have helped me with technique, which is so helpful--especially since I haven't even been dancing for two years yet.

So, it's for these reasons--getting to meet and connect with so many wonderful people that I dance tango.

For Women: How To Ask A Man To Dance

2008-07-23T00:20:00.000-07:00

OK, ladies, it's time to take a crash course in how to ask a man to dance. This has been a hot topic of conversation for me at milongas of late and I've learned a few surprising things as a result. I'd say I ask the woman to dance at least 90% of the time. But I'll usually have a couple of women ask me to dance at most milongas and that's fun, too.

Some of you Ladies are already pros at this & have more tandas at milongas than most men. In fact, what I'm listing below is a compilation of great methods women have used in asking me to dance and other methods female friends have told me about.

The Verbal, Direct Method: just ask. He says "yes", great. He says "no", welcome to the men's club (and, increasingly, at milongas in SF, the women's club). Now all you need is a few hundred/thousand more rejections & you'll catch up to the average man in terms of rejections we've collected over the years.

The Verbal, Direct Non-Invite Method: I get this one a couple of times a month. I've just come off the dance floor & am standing there as the next tanda starts. A woman I don't know comes up & strikes up a conversation. We chat for a bit and then she says "I LOVE Di Sarli! Do you?" I get the clue and ask her to dance. So, she's done everything except technically ask me. We tango.

The Verbal, Indirect Non-Invite Method: This one is harder to read, but I like it because it's so friendly. I'm standing near the dance floor, a woman approaches me & strikes up a conversation. She won't make an overt comment like how much she loves the orchestra, so we'll just chat. If I don't need a water break, I'll always ask her to dance. Sometimes she'll say goodbye & move on if I don't ask her to dance first. So, honestly, I'm not 100% sure if she wanted to dance, but I think she usually does in this situation (women--any comments on this that can enlighten me?). Even if she moves on I'll always try to make a point of asking her to dance later in the milonga after my break.

The Non-Verbal, Direct Method: The cabeceo. Most women are very good at inviting men this way, so I won't go into detail about this one. It can be confusing at San Francisco milongas, though, because some women use the cabeceo & some don't. As a result, sometimes I'll ask a woman who is looking my way when in fact she's not in the mood to tango. But generally the cabeceo is helpful for me because I can usually tell which women aren't up for dancing if they're not making any eye contact.

More Milonga Musings:
-If a woman is sitting alone with a man, I'll never ask her to dance because I assume she's on a date with him or that they're married. I'll only ask a woman to dance in this situation if I'm acquainted with her, I'm positive they're not a couple and they've been sitting there a long time.
-The more interested you are in dancing, the closer you should sit to the dance floor. For example, at the milongas at Nora's Tango Week there were 2 rows of seats on one side & I was twice as likely to ask a woman to dance in the front row than the back because it felt like the woman in the back row was less open to dancing (maybe she's taking a break?, maybe she's with someone? etc.).
-Don't sit right next to the door: when I enter a milonga I don't like to stand at the door because I don't want to block people coming in & out of the milonga. This is why I always keep walking to the left or right & ask women away from the door.

Ladies, if you decide to take the plunge and ask a man to dance, please don't let a rejection or two stop you from asking more men. If a man says no, it's his loss. And the more you ask, the more dance partners you'll end up with. Plus, you'll get to meet some really great people.

Of all the invites to tango that I've ever received, one of my all-time favorites was just a few weeks ago at Nora's Tango Week. A lovely, charming senior woman came up to me and asked "Will you be my victim?" I broke out laughing. I've never turned down an invite from a woman to tango anyway, but how could I turn that down? We had a great tanda and I got to meet another fascinating woman. You just can't lose in tango.

So, there we go ladies. I have plenty of female friends whom never have and never will verbally invite a man to dance and that's their prerogative.

But if you want to give it a try, buckle up & go for it. He'll be lucky to tango with you.

Is It Harder For Women To Ask Men To Dance?

2008-07-22T00:15:00.000-07:00

A month ago I was certain it was easier for women to ask men to dance. I always assumed this to be the case because I thought every man would accept.

Well, it turns out that's not quite true. To my surprise, a number of my female friends have convinced me that it's usually harder for women to ask men to dance.

Why? Well, there are at least two big reasons.

1. For starters, most people (men and women) believe it's the man's role to ask women. I know plenty of women that ask men to dance, but I also know plenty that never have and never will ask a man to dance. Sometimes this is the woman's personal philosophy, sometimes this is based on the culture the woman is from. For example, I've only known a few Argentinean women that ask men to dance. Clearly, the norm in Bs As is for the men to ask women to tango. Here in San Francisco, it's not uncommon for women to ask men, but normally it's men asking women.

2. The other reason is that, as another generalization, getting rejected when asking someone to tango is harder for most women than it is for most men.

Why is this? In a word, practice.

The first girl I ever asked to dance was when I went to my first church dance when I was thirteen years old. (Bonus quiz points: who thought he was the world's greatest dancer to Aerosmith's "Walk This Way", but in fact was among history's worst? Me!! I'd pay a lot of money for a video of me "dancing" at that first dance, but I'd pay twice that amount to keep that video off of YouTube). But I digress because a lot has changed since my first church dances. Back in the day (1) my best friend (Dave) and I would brag to each other about all these really awesome girls we'd danced with, (2) the girls were almost always better at dancing than us guys, and (3) the "nos" were difficult to hear.

OK, so maybe there isn't much that has really changed. Actually, only two things come to mind: (1) my Mom doesn't drive me to my dances anymore and (2) instead of having heard only a couple of "nos" as a thirteen year-old, most guys (myself included) have heard countless "nos" over the years. That might sound like a negative at first, but, in fact, it's a positive because we got used to it over time and each "no" rolls off our backs a little faster. It's this practice that most women don't get growing up, which is why it's harder for most women.

Take my female friend who had never asked a guy to dance until she started to tango. She's only asked about ten men to dance in her lifetime. The first nine said yes and the last one said no. And that one "no" really stung (the first one always does), so much so that she hasn't asked another guy since.

That's the unfortunate news. For such women that want to continue verbally asking men to tango (don't give up, Ladies!), all I can do is encourage you to pull yourself up by your Comme Il Faut straps and ask again. Trust me, the 2nd rejection doesn't sting like the first, and by your 300th you'll barely notice it anymore.

But for women that don't want to verbally ask a man to dance, there are a lot of things you can do at milongas to invite a man to dance.

And that's my tango post for tomorrow...

"Will You Be My Victim?": The Last Milonga At Nora's Tango Week

2008-07-17T00:41:00.000-07:00

And so Nora's Tango Week came to an end last week. As I went to one of the last milongas I went early to be sure I could get a seat. I arrived fifteen minutes before the doors opened and there was already a long line of tangueros in front of me (photo).

Geez, you folks are crazy for your tango.

And then the doors opened, people scrambled to get their seats and before I could even get to mine people were on the dance floor dancing to their first tango.

The performances were awesome and I had many friends there, so it was a great evening. But one of the highlights of the week happened a few hours later when a lovely senior woman walked up to me and asked "Would you be my victim?"

That was one of the best invitations to tango I've ever received. Not that I was the victim, though, as it quickly become obvious that my new friend was an excellent dancer. I felt more like she was my victim. It turns out she's a French artist (a painter) who does oils and exhibits frequently.

You meet the most fascinating people in tango.

Tango Maestros During Their Group Talk: Nora's Tango Week

2008-07-16T01:07:00.000-07:00

On the last day of Nora's Tango Week we got to hear all of the great maestros talk during this "chamuyo."

In this picture, from left to right, are Giselle Anne & Gustavo Naveira, Esteban Moreno & Claudia Codega, Eduardo Saucedo & Marisa Quiroga, Fernanda Ghi & Guillermo Merlo, Ed Neale & Nora Dinzelbacher, Claudia Mendoza & Luis Castro, and the Godparents of tango, Elba & Nito.

When I took this picture Nito was just starting to tell the story of how in Argentine culture people sometimes like to play jokes to cause a little stir. Nito said he had a friend that went to a milonga with a man and woman who were a couple. The three of them showed up together and then the man went over to the table next to them and whispered to the table "I'm here with that woman, but that guy won't leave us alone!"

And Eduardo told a great story about the meaning of going for coffee or pizza after a milonga, but I'll have to leave that one for another post.

To Not Tango

2008-07-15T00:14:00.000-07:00

It has been long since I've written. And it is with great sadness, I confess, to reveal that I have not been tangoing as much as I could, as I should, as I would like to. Life got in the way. And life continues to get in the way.

However, the good news is that I went to the Chicago Mini Tango Festival, Stone Soup Festival, the Denver Memorial Day tango festival, and just recently finished the Chicago Tango Week festival this past 4th of July. And I saw friends from far and wide, friends from BA, from Sweden, from Turkey, from Houston, San Fran, NY and all over. We all live in a surreal world when we come together to celebrate, to cherish, to dance and hold each other in our arms.

And also good news: I ran into no ex lovers. And I will not run into any potential lovers either. No. I will not say never, but am highly hesitant to ever date a tango dancer, to be lovers off the dance floor. Tango is too surreal, too unstable, too intangible a love, too emotional and too strong to ever be grounded in reality. Those who tango and love in one basket must live in an ever long dream.

But the sleepless nights, the early brunches, the hugs and the kisses, hosting friends and friends hosting me - they are exquisite. To me, it is a crème brûlée and strawberry glacé come to life. The sweetness is a thing to behold. To dance until my feet can no longer hold me up, the have my heart sing with the music and my body soar through veils of exhaustion.

No matter how much life gets in the way. I will never give up tango.

Thank You Tango Friends: After 100 Posts, Confessions Now Has Readers in 68 Countries

2008-07-14T02:30:00.000-07:00

Back on December 11 when I started this tango blog celebrating Carlos Gardel's birthday, I didn't know what to expect. Well, I'm happy to say that last weeks post ("More Than Tango, It's About You") was our 100th.

Blogging about tango has been great fun because I enjoy writing. But the biggest bonus I've gotten by far is from connecting with you all. I really appreciate everyone that reads this blog and, in particular, I am grateful for all the amazing comments people make and emails you send me.

I also want to thank Victoria, Sappho, Laila and Ram for their great contributions.

So, I thought it would be fun to give a snapshot of how this blog has developed over 8 months by looking at the analytics. But please note that this data is never personally identifiable. I only know if you've personally come to my blog if you tell me or if you post a comment using your name (obviously, I have no idea who the folks are that post as "Annonymous").

So, here we go. There are now readers from 43 states across America and 68 countries world-wide (note: I've adjusted this number so it only includes people that have spent significant time on the blog and not "bounced".)

Here are the Top 5 countries where readers come from:
1. U.S.
2. United Kingdom
3. Canada
4. Germany
5. Argentina

Interesting Keywords Tangueros Used To Find This Blog (my thoughts in parenthesis):
"Comme il Faut" (plus hundreds of variations of this keyword)
"Tango Crushes"
"Addicted to Tango" (welcome to the club)
"Sexy tango skirt" (isn't this redundant? what woman doesn't look sexy in a tango skirt?)
"Tango Nirvana" (we're all searching for this, right?)
"How to get over a tango crush" (soundes like one of my searches)
"Tango Sins" (I've committed just about all of them)
"Sexy hug" (I love this description of the close embrace)
"Forget yourself from heartbreak" (impossible)
"Tango Temptress"
"Ways to know if you're addicted to tango?" (see my April 21 post "Top 15 Ways To Know If You're Addicted To Tango" to know how addicted you are)
"Why are women obsesed with shoes?" (clearly other men share my confusion)
"How Long To Learn Tango?" (only a lifetime)

You meet the most fascintating people in tango.

Thank you,
Mark

More Than Tango, It's About You

2008-07-10T03:05:00.000-07:00

It's not just about tango.

Tango is the black, bad ass '51 Mercury that we drive in the dark of night to get us there, but it's not my destination.

You're my destination.

I don't tango just to tango. I tango to hold you in a close embrace, to move with you, to connect with you.

And I don't take tango lessons just to improve at this dance. I study for days and months and years, so I can develop my lead and movement because then I can connect with you in a way that is mas profundo.

The better I lead, the less distracted I am by my mistakes. The smoother I move, the more I can stop thinking and simply be with you now.

Yes, we're surrounded by hundreds of people, but they're not here. I'm only here with you.

I love tango for her journey, but you're my destination. Remember that always.

Word.
Mark

Bowing To My Partners: Tangoing With Our Japanese Sisters

2008-07-08T23:16:00.000-07:00

Nora's Tango Week isn't over yet, but one of my favorite memories so far has to do with something I'd never experienced before in tango: bowing to your partner before you take each other into the close embrace.

Why the bowing? Well, you see there's a wonderful group of tango dancers who came all the way over from Japan for tango week. Not all of the women, but most of them bow to their partners before they start dancing. Obviously, bowing is common in Japan--I'd just never experienced it before in tango. But I must say I really liked it because it brought to life something one of our maestros (Esteban Moreno) mentioned. Esteban said to dance tango is a privilege. I agree with Esteban and getting to bow with my partner was a great way to bring to life our respect for each other before taking a total stranger into a close embrace.

I'd heard how strong the tango community is in Japan and how much it's growing, but I'd never danced with any of our Japanese sisters. But having danced with five of our Japanese sisters I can tell you they were all excellent--very elegant and smooth.

One last note--I got to speak with the women that organized their trip. She said she came over to Tango Week for the first time last year with just one other friend. They had so much fun that she grew their group to nine this year. We were the better for it.

Tango Shoes at Nora's Tango Week

2008-07-08T00:44:00.000-07:00

I finished Nora's Tango Weekend Sunday night and it was awesome. To get to the class rooms you had to walk by tables of Comme Il Faut and Neotango shoes for sale.

On Sunday I was eating an apple near these tables waiting for my next class to begin when I noticed how differently men and women reacted to these tables. Most men walked by and didn't pay attention to the shoes. Most women walked around the corner, saw the shoes and went into a state of rapture. (I didn't see one near the table, but I think having a defribilator on hand is a good idea)

Truth be told, ladies, I still don't really get your passion for tango shoes, but part of me sensed some of you would want to see this photo.

Packed Milonga At Nora's Tango Weekend

2008-07-07T02:17:00.000-07:00

Nora's Tango Weekend was awesome. I have many great stories to tell this week. In the meantime, I wanted to post this photo, which was last week.

This photo is of the opening night milonga, which was a blast.

Tonight we had numerous perforances because it was closing night for the Tango Weekend. The place was packed & the maestros amazing.

Out Of Office AutoReply: Nora's Tango Weekend

2008-07-04T00:05:00.000-07:00

I am out of the office today. I'm away at an important business conference involving molinetes and ganchos.

If you need to reach me, feel free to cabaceo me.

If this is important and you need to speak to me personally, you can find me in the conference room "Milonga". It's the room that looks like a dance floor and it will be packed with hundreds of fellow attendees. I'll be there through the weekend holding very important tandas with wonderful milongueras from around the world.

Abrazos,
Mark

Cortina: The Greatest Soccer Goal of My Life

2008-07-03T00:10:00.000-07:00

In today's cortina please ignore my immodesty as I proudly proclaim that I recently scored the greatest soccer goal of my life. Why the greatest? Because it was my first and only in over 3 decades of playing.

I started playing soccer as a kid and I've played every year since. I've always played in the defense, so I've always, well, defended. Even so, I should've scored some goals. Sure, I've scored countless times in practice, pickup games, indoor games and against my three-year old niece, but never in an official game. (Truth be told: my three-your old niece stopped my first seven shots, but I managed to slip one by her by pointing behind her and asking "is that a pony, Catherine?!?" Hey, a goal is a goal).

That 40 year drought finally ended when I scored a few weeks ago. How did it feel? Well, the sky seemed bluer and the artificial grass seemed greener that bright, shining afternoon.

So, how did I score? It's all thanks to Melanie (in the picture with me). She passed me the ball & I hit a one-touch rocket into the net (note: "rocket" is my adjective and I do not agree with my teammates who describe it a "squibler"). Melanie played her college ball at Berkeley with Brandi Chastain and other U.S. Women's Gold Medal Olympic players were on the same team. As you can imagine, Melanie kicks ass. In fact, the women as a group on my team do, too, and it's a big reason why we're heading into the playoffs.

After the game I did what any serious-minded male adult would do--I called my Mom, Dad, Brother, and Sister and replayed for them the goal second-by-second. My Mom and sister gave me polite "that's nice, Mark" responses while my Dad and brother both asked me if we won.

BTW, Menlanie and I are holding up four fingers because that was our final score against the other team, not the age I'm acting.

Christmas Eve, My Birthday and Nora's Tango Week

2008-07-02T00:17:00.000-07:00

It's almost here! Nora's Tango Weekend starts Thursday night with a free milonga and then the first day of classes start Friday. I'm doing the Tango Week, too, which starts Monday. All of this culminates with "A day with Gustavo and Giselle" and the Celebration Milonga a week from Saturday (12th), all of which should be awesome.

To say I'm pumped about this would be putting it mildly. This is Christmas Eve expectation. This is birthday joy. I was supposed to have outgrown that excitement years ago, but haven't yet. That's one of the fun things about tango week, though--I don't have to hide my giddiness because everyone is giddy.

I went to Nora's Weekend & Week last year & the teachers were great. We have some of the same from maestros from last year and some new. The silver Godparents of tango, Nito and Elba, will be there again and last year Nito gave me one of my favorite tango memories. One of the other maestros decades younger than Nito had a new move that Nito was excited to learn. So, Nito kept running the new move over and over again with his friend until he had every detail down. That one scene explained to me why Nito is such a great dancer: his passion and focus on continuous improvement.

I hope to see you there. If I don't get the opportunity to as you to dance first, please ask me to dance. One of the best things about Nora's Tango Week is making new friends, so I hope we can share a tanda.

Time To Retire Cologne From Tango?

2008-07-01T00:11:00.000-07:00

Ah, yes, the eternal male ritual I've taken part of since I was a teenager--putting on cologne. And then putting on some more and, well, why not a little more. It was fun back as a teenager because I thought it would help increase my chances with women (that proved to be untrue, so I'm not sure where that urban myth started). It was also part of the passage into manhood. My grandfathers wore cologne, my Dad wore it and now I was wearing it.

Old habits are hard to break and that's a big reason why I kept wearing it for years. So, in the beginning I thought "of course I'll need to wear cologne to milongas--tango is such a masculine dance certainly it calls for my best cologne, right?".

Wrong.

Let's have the ladies speak for themselves. As a milonguera commented here a while back: "Too much cologne or aftershave is a nightmare. I know the same goes for us ladies, but we don't wear perfume on our faces. If our face is touching yours, and you have a lot of scent on your skin, it can be really overwhelming."

But give up my cologne for tango? That would be like giving up part of my manhood.

But then I got another email from a woman who said "I'm tired of coming home wearing a mix of bad (or even good) cologne. I'm pretty sensitive to odors and it can make dancing even with a good dancer extremely unpleasant. And then I smell funny for my next partner. I'm sure most guys feel the same way about women wearing too much perfume, so it definitely goes both ways. I'd much rather dance with someone with no cologne who smelled not at all, or of good old soap and shampoo! Now I'm going to take a shower to try to wash off tonight's batch of scents!"

All of which reminded me of a class I took at La Pista recently where I rotated to a lovely woman. She had some nice perfume on (not a lot) and when we took each other into our close embrace I started sneezing. The teacher (Oscar Mandagaran) happened to be walking by us checking on how the move was going and my partner joked to Oscar that I was allergic to her. I started laughing and told Oscar I was sure it was something else (I've never had allergies). I took her back into a close embrace and immediately started sneezing again! We resolved to tango in an open embrace.

And there we have it. I'm sold. Cologne, perfume, eau de toilette, eau de cologne...call it what you will, they don't have a place in tango.

So, it is with deep regret that I hereby swear off wearing cologne to milongas. I will continue to wear it proudly and manly to dinners, dates, and parties. But when it comes to milongas, will anyone else join me in going cologne-free?

Next time you go to a milonga, leave the cologne & just go eau de tango.

Inside Our Russian Stacking Doll: Tango At the De Young Museum

2008-06-30T00:20:00.000-07:00

Over the past year and a half the only thing that has boomed more in SF than the price of gas is tango. When I switched to tango a year & 9 months ago there were usually a couple of tango events going on each night. I just took a quick look at TangoMango.org & in the Bay area today there are twelve tango events (classes, practicas and milongas). This boom was very evident Friday night as the tango community descended upon the De Young Museum for a great milonga organized by Terence Clarke and Beatrice Bowles (great job, Terry, Bea and the De Young team!).

I was hoping there would be enough dancers there to give the milonga a party feel. I need not have worried--the De Young was packed! The dance floor felt more like bumper cars at times, but it was well worth it. Not only was the De Young packed with tango dancers, but our milonga turned into a live work of art as the museum-goers lined two and three deep to watch everyone tango. Even the main stair case was packed with kids and adults watching in fun. I finished one tango and a lovely couple came up to my partner and me and said "you both look so happy!". Well, that's because we were. We encouraged the couple to try a tango, but they just wanted to watch.

And then it was time for an excellent tango performance by Nora Dinzelbacher and Ed Neale. It was during their performance I realized that the milonga felt like we were living inside a never-ending Russian stacking doll (you know, one of those Babooshka nesting things) because there was one work of art inside another. Here we were in the incomparable San Francisco and inside her the green forests of the Golden Gate Park and inside her the shocking copper beauty of the De Young Museum and inside her our joyful milonga where Nora and Ed were tangoing passionately in front of Richter's wild piece, Strontium (seen in the photo above).

Strontium, by the way, is a chemical element that can be combustible. Pretty much sums up Friday's milonga at the De Young.

Cortina: Why I Have A Crush On J.K. Rowling

2008-06-27T00:05:00.000-07:00

Part 1 from J.K. Rowling's Commencement Speech at Harvard (June, 2008):

Part 2:

Yes, this is a tango blog, but please indulge me today, since I feel compelled to confess my new crush on J.K. Rowling. So, can we just consider today's post a cortina?

Let me start at the beginning. My Mom had an exchange student (Chi Hai) from Beijing live with her for a year back in 1998 when he was in high school. He quickly became part of our family and we've become good friends with his parents, too. Well, Chi Hai just graduated from business school, so we all went to his graduation earlier this month at Harvard.

The commencement speaker this year was J.K. Rowling, the famed author of the Harry Potter books. When I heard she was going to be speaking I thought to myself "Well, this should be fun. She'll tell a lot of Harry Potter jokes, talk about her success and give us a few of her favorite 'life lessons learned', all of which will be forgotten by days end."

Not quite.

I sensed something was different about J.K. as I watched her facial expressions and body language while she was being introduced (I can use her first name, can't I, given that I have a crush on her or is that presumptious?). She seemed genuinely nervous sitting there waiting her turn, but who wouldn't be given all eyes were on her and the pageantry of Harvard's graduation ceremonies. There were many men wearing top hats and tails, the school band came marching through playing joyfully, and school songs were sung. It was great fun for all of us in the audience. But now J.K. was supposed to stand up and say something memorable. Just as her introduction was nearly finished I caught another glimpse of J.K. and she looked anxious.

After Harvard's President (Drew Faust--a very impressive woman) finished introducing her, J.K. walked to the podium and said "The first thing I would like to say is 'thank you.' Not only has Harvard given me an extraordinary honour, but the weeks of fear and nausea I've experienced at the thought of giving this commencement address have made me lose weight. A win-win situation! Now all I have to do is take deep breaths, squint at the red banners and fool myself into believing I am at the world's best-educated Harry Potter convention." Her joke about 'fear and nausea" seemed quite sincere. And that was a very funny Harry Potter reference. I'm sure it's one of a dozen to come. So, now she'll start with the the predictable philosophy-lite given by most commencement speakers, right?

Wrong.

J.K. followed with the bravest, most personal and memorable commencement speech I've ever heard. In fact, it was one of the best speeches I've heard in my life. Her intellect, sense of humor, modesty and humanity were all on full display.

J.K. talked about the importance of failure in life, relieving poverty and the need to improve human rights worldwide. But what made it so powerful was that she talked about her personal experience of growing up poor and being poor again after her divorce. She said she was 'as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless.'

Likewise, when she spoke about improving human rights, she didn't do it with platitudes, but by describing some of the horrors she heard personally while working for Amnesty International.

And towards the end when she could have coasted home to an easy ending, she instead threw down the gauntlet towards all of us:

"The great majority of you belong to the world's only remaining superpower. The way you vote, the way you live, the way you protest, the pressure you bring to bear on your government, has an impact way beyond your borders. That is your privilege, and your burden. If you choose to use your status and influence to raise your voice on behalf of those who have no voice; if you choose to identify not only with the powerful, but with the powerless; if you retain the ability to imagine yourself into the lives of those who do not have your advantages, then it will not only be your proud families who celebrate your existence, but thousands and millions of people whose reality you have helped transform for the better. We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better."

The lioness finished and sat down to one of the longest standing ovations I've ever seen, all of which she received with great modesty, even surprise. But so often it's that way, isn't it? The brave don't realize they're being brave because they're just being who they are. All of which made J.K. even more irresistable and explains my crush.

I'm often wrong, but never in doubt. But I can't remember being more wrong about a person in the past five years. I don't know who her husband is, but he's a lucky man. And we were all lucky to hear J.K. speak for twenty shining minutes.

God bless J.K. Rowling.

My Tango Brothers: Making Sure Every Woman Has Partners At Milongas

2008-06-26T01:00:00.000-07:00

Guys, let's face it, we've got it good in the Bay area when it comes to tango. Most milongas we go to have more women than men, so it's easy for us to almost always have someone to dance with. And we're also lucky in that women here often ask us to dance, so an evening of tango can fly by for men with barely a break.

Many women have equally busy nights. But, unfortunately, sometimes some women don't and they might only have a couple of tandas (or, tango gods forbid--none). It's this situation I want to talk about.

To put it straight out there, men, if we see women sitting out tanda after tanda, we should make a point of asking them to dance. I've been as guilty of this as anyone--not really paying attention if certain women weren't being asked to dance because I was too wrapped up in my own tandas. At other times I've assumed that sooner or later a man would ask her to dance, only to realize later that wasn't happening.

Most men have been on the other side of this at times. I know I have and it's not fun. I did my undergrad at the University of Florida and our ratio was 52% men/48% women. As a result, it was tough at times getting dates (sure, some said it had to do with trivial factors like personality, but I found it so much easier to just blame it all on the bad ratio). And proof of that came for me the first time I spent the weekend at FSU for a football game. The ratio at FSU was the reverse--so there were 52% women. I still remember my shock when a woman come up to me at a bar and asked if she could buy me a drink. In all my years at UF that had never happened to me. I was so certain one of my friends put her up to it that I kept looking around the bar for one of my laughing friends.

But I digress.

The point I'm trying to make is how much I like it when women buy me drinks. No, no, sorry--lost my train of thought there. The point I'm trying to make is that ratios matter in life and in the Bay area tango scene that's particularly true.

So, guys, next time you see a woman sitting out numerous tandas, please ask her to dance. It's always fun making new friends and it makes milongas even better when everyone is tangoing. There are few downsides to tango, but not getting to tango much at a milonga is one of the biggest. And as many women friends have told me, all it takes is one or two good tandas to turn an average evening into a really fun one.

My Tango Championship With Cheryl Burke

2008-06-25T01:35:00.000-07:00

I am posing in this photo with Cheryl Burke from "Dancing With The Stars" because (see answer under my name):
A. We just won the American Nationals for Argentine Tango
B. Cheryl just accepted my marriage proposal
C. I wasn't actually in this photo with Cheryl--I Photoshopped her in
D. None of the above. I took Cheryl's first dance lesson at her club and had my photo taken with her for fun (BTW, she gave a great class & was very nice)
Abrazos,
Mark
Answer: Obviously, D

Tango Sin #4 For Men: Giving Unsolicited Advice To Women At A Milonga

2008-06-24T01:00:00.000-07:00

Men, I implore you--learn from my mistakes and do not give women unsolicited advice, tips, or constructive criticism at milongas. Ever. Back before I switched to tango I used to give feedback to women often when I was at salsa clubs until finally one night my dance partner said to me "Mark, I just want to have fun. Can we just dance?"

I quickly recovered from her comment (it didn't take me more than 3 months). As difficult as it was to hear this, I knew instantly she was right. People go to dance to have fun, not be criticized by others. So, I stopped giving feedback to women that night and I've never done so at milongas. It's made milongas so much more enjoyable for my partners and me. Most of us want to get better at tango, but that's why we take classes, go to practicas & take privates. We don't go to milongas to get unsolicited feedback from other people. In fact, it's rude to do so. I've spoken to my female friends about this a lot and they rarely, if ever, ask for feedback. So, the vast majority of time men are simply offering it up on their own.

Why do men do this? In a phrase, it feels good.

It feels good to be the "expert", to "impart" one's knowledge to another person.

Why don't women like to hear the unsolicited feedback? It's for the same reason men don't like to hear "constructive criticism." In a phrase, it doesn't feel good!

Now, men, if you're raising objections at this point against my argument, then that probably means you give unsolicited feedback thinking it's wanted.

Trust me, it's not.

I was at a milonga this week and one guy gave feedback to every woman I saw him dance with. I could hear his pedantic style at one point because he finished a tanda next to my table. I was amazed by his partner's patience. He kept badgering her until she finally excused herself and walked away. The crazy thing is that of all the women I saw him dance with, most of them had better technique than the guy!

If you want to focus on improving tango, focus on your own--not others.

And if you want to make someone feel good, don't focus on yourself, but focus on your partner. Compliment her on one of her tango strengths. I've danced with countless women now and every single one, including absolute beginners, has at least 2 or 3 obvious strengths (connection, musicality, elegance, body movement, technique...). I'm definitely not suggesting you say anything gratuitous. But, men, if you feel an uncontrollable urge to give unsolicited feedback, don't point out one of her areas for improvement. Mention some of her true strengths, instead.

So Sorry For My Absence: My Tango Posts Resume Tomorrow

2008-06-23T01:00:00.000-07:00

So sorry, friends, that I haven't posted in awhile.

I've been swamped launching a new website at work & traveling (graduations & baby showers). But I do have some tales to start telling this week about tango, the greatest soccer goal of my life, and the woman I have a crush on (hint: Harry Potter's creator).

Thank you, though, for your polite emails ranging from "So, got any posts in the works?" to "What the hell, Mark?!?"

I'm resuming our tango tomorrow. Please join me.

Tango Fever (Part 2): By Laila

2008-06-02T00:10:00.000-07:00

I'm very happy to say that I just received Laila's Part 2. Take it away Laila...

Tango Fever, Part 2
From Laila

"The following Saturday morning, I enrolled in my first tango lesson.

The instructor, Nora Dinzelbacher, whose striking beauty was enhanced by glistening, long black hair, welcomed me to class. “First you must learn how to walk,” she told the class. Walk? I can do that. As Nora moved gracefully and with determination across the classroom dance floor, I attempted to model her. However, I soon realized that my walking was completely wrong and so were my shoes, which were flat and didn’t give me enough support in a forward lean. To walk properly in tango, one must stand tall, thrust the chest slightly forward, pull the hips and buttocks up and then push them out a bit and walk with the knees touching each other before each forward or backward step, as if they were fastened together with elastic bands.

So many challenges confronted me at once: standing, then walking correctly, dancing with my chest leaning forward and walking backwards in a straight line in high heels. Then I needed to learn how to dance with a partner - “breast to chest,” forming an A-frame so we could walk without knocking each others’ knees or kicking each other. With my torso pressed against my partner’s, often someone whose name I didn’t even know, I felt awkward, but sometimes comfortable, if the man and I had a good person-to-person and dance connection. When Nora reminded the men to tighten their embrace with their partners, it would cause some nervous giggling among some of the newcomers. Hands on hips, Nora would respond: “Don’t you like to embrace? Why do you think we Argentineans invented the tango?” Yes, I do like to be embraced. I do. I do.

To cope with the intricacies of learning the tango, I have adopted beginner’s mind. I have learned how to walk – and its importance. Oscar Mandagaran, a great tango dancer and instructor, explained that “When one man wants to compliment another man on his dancing, he says, ‘He walks well!”

After many months of listening to and dancing tango, I was bitten by the tango bug. For those of you unfamiliar with this condition, the melancholic chords of the bandoneon pierce the skin ever so gently, enter the bloodstream and then slowly, steadily seep into the heart where they make a home. When one person dances with another who has also been stung by this musical critter, the result can be a delightful affliction.
Several years later, I now enjoy moving in a close embrace, especially if my partner took a shower and didn’t consume too much garlic prior to the milonga. And I’m more confident doing figures such as ochos, molinetes and ganchos without putting him “out of commission.” My initial awkwardness has evolved into some level of confidence and has rewarded me with an abundance of joy. When my partner and I dance as one to the music and I feel his perspiration on my cheek and his heartbeat, I know that there is a heaven after all.

A friend expressed surprise that I could not just pick up tango. “After all,” she said, “You’re a salsa dancer.” To that I replied, “Salsa is to tango what checkers is to chess; you don’t just learn the back and forth moves. You have to learn many facets and how they interconnect. And you need a lot of patience.” I could write so much more about my tango, but I hear the bandoneon calling and I feel a warm, inviting hand in mine – and a fever coming on."

Tango Fever (Part 1): Written By Laila

2008-05-28T00:09:00.000-07:00

Of all the things I love about tango, the most important for me is that I've been able to meet so many wonderful people. And out of all my new tango friends, one of the dearest to me is Laila. Laila and I have performed together (she's a much better dancer than me) and she's a joy to spend time with. So, I'm very happy Laila agreed to contribute to this tango blog to tell her story of how she came to tango.

Take it away Laila...

Tango Fever, Part One
From Laila

"Finally, I can walk. I thought I could learn to walk correctly in just a few lessons. Then I realized it would take many more than that. Several years later, I’m able to walk like a tanguera, a tango dancer. And since I can walk like a tanguera, I should be able to dance like one. After all, tango is simply “walking to the music.” However, I discovered that the path from walking to tangoing is extensive, fraught with bumps and twists and tangles, challenges I gladly took on because of the flame that touched me one night at the theater.

The spark for my love affair with Argentine tango began several years ago. As a salsera and aficionada of Afro-Cuban dance music for many years, I thought no other musical genre could move me with such passion. But I began to hunger for something more – not to replace salsa but to add another musical genre to my dance palate. When I heard that Argentine tango was, like salsa, hot and spicy, I bought a ticket for Luis Brava’s theatrical production, Tango Argentino, when it toured San Francisco in the 1980’s. So riveting was the first dance number that I left my seat and watched the rest of the show standing in the wings. The steamy connections between the men and the women and their fiery, passionate moves mesmerized me. I was puzzled by the intricacies of the steps, danced to the complex sounds of two great Argentinean masters - Osvaldo Pugliese and Astor Piazzola, among others. How could a dancer, with her torso flush against her partner’s, kick her right leg back and up high, as if she were striking a match between her partner’s legs – right on beat with the music? How could a lead dancer lift his partner chest high and swing her over one of his legs where she would land and melt into a backbend over one of his thighs? The flames these tangueros generated permeated the theater. My dancing spirit lept onto the stage and joined the other dancers until the final chord of the bandoneon sounded. I left the theater artistically fulfilled -and hungry to learn to dance Argentine tango, which I thought as feasible as dancing salsa with Antonio Banderas on the moon.

Several years later, I saw The Tango Lesson, an independent film by Sally Potter, about a middle-aged, English woman and her interest in learning to dance the tango. Her success inspired this mid-life woman to start my tango quest. The very next afternoon, the man in line in front of me at the grocery store was wearing a Tango Argentino T-shirt and spoke English with an Italian-Spanish accent. Argentinean, I presumed. “Yes, I study tango with Nora at the Mission Cultural Center,” he told me.

The following Saturday morning, I enrolled in my first tango lesson."

Thanks For Your Comments! / Start Your Own Tango Blog?

2008-05-25T20:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Tango Sisters and Brothers,
I'm so sorry I got behind in responding to your awesome comments you've posted on this tango blog recently. I read every tango comment you make and was just waiting to find the time to respond.

Well, I'm finally caught up! I just spent the last 3 hours responding to every one of your comments.

If I inadvertently missed anyone, please let me know & I'll respond asap.

Lastly, I wanted to say how insightful/funny/poetic I find your comments. A number of you already have your own great tango blogs. But for those of you that don't, please start one!

Your tango voices are important & the more people we have blogging about tango, the more people we'll bring into our great passion, the more new friends we'll make, the more partners we'll have to dance with...

Ok, I'm off to the Studio Gracia milonga.

Cuidate,
Mark

Tips For Buying Tango Shoes in SF & Buenos Aires : Thanks Ana!

2008-05-23T01:27:00.000-07:00

I'm taking the liberty tonight of posting a great comment that Ana de San Francisco left recently. She's got some great information below about Jennifer Bratt's new boutique and Ana's favorite tango shoe stores in Buenos Aires, etc.

So, thanks so much Ana for posting this comment! She gives some great insight & tips below, so take it away, Ana:

"Jennifer Bratt now has a Comme Il Faut boutique at her & Ney's http://www.tangovida.com/ studio on Russian Hill here in SF.

As for me, my new favorite is Lolo Gerard (on Anchorena 607 in BsAs). The quality of their materials, construction and design are outstanding, and they have plenty for the guys too.

Another favorite is P.H. (on Grito De Ascencio 3602 in BsAs). Their designs are becoming more fashion forward and they now have spikey stilettos a la CIF, but with a more traditional design, so more supportive than a strappy sandal, but you still get a very nice arch and a lot of footbed padding, typical of P.H.

And for the record I have 2 pairs of CIF, and 0 NeoTango...but many, many other pairs from others (Lolo Gerard, PH, Artesanal, Tango8, Victorio)...The thing with shoes is that everyone's feet is different, and so everyone will have a different opinion on which shoes are "best" -- and even that is subjective with more people giving weight to fit, style, stability, etc., and all colored with the dancer's own experience and skill level. So ... bottom line... to each his/her own...

As for CIFs, no doubt about it they are among the most beautiful shoes I own, but I rarely wear them because I have other shoes that are more comfortable and equally or more beautiful."

Tango Eavesdropping (Unintentionally)

2008-05-22T02:03:00.000-07:00

So, I'm sitting by myself waiting for the pre-milonga tango lesson to begin. There are 2 guys to my left & 2 women to my right--I don't know any of them. I knew men talked this way because it's the same type of conversation I have every week with my brother, Dad, & every other guy I can talk sports to.

But who knew women talked this way? (my internal dialogue is in parenthesis).

Dude 1: "Did you see LeBron last night?"
Dude 2: "He was on fire!" (I'm a Celtics fan, but even I have to admit that's true)

Damn Sexy 1: "So, how's your week been?"
Damn Sexy 2: "Ok, I went to dinner with Chris" (not his real name; cool--a peak into the unreadable mind of a woman coming up)

Dude 1: "Damn, 45 points in Boston & they still lose"
Dude 2: "Yeah, but he can't carry the whole team by himself" (good point)

Damn Sexy 1: "Yeah, how'd that go?"
Damn Sexy 2: "It was fine, the restaurant was good & he kissed me goodnight" (...and you would tell your girlfriend this because...?)

Dude 1: "That's true--I'm just saying if he had a little help they would've won that series"
Dude 2: "But they wouldn't beat Detroit anyway" (this guy knows his basketball)

Damn Sexy 1: "Well, that's good, but you don't sound very excited." (I agree)
Damn Sexy 2: "It's just that it was like a normal kiss. He didn't kiss me like he wanted to rip my clothes off" (Whoa! Do women really talk like this? I swear this was a quote. Obviously, she's saying she wanted him to kiss her like he was really passionate about her. When are they going to talk about last night's game?)

Dude 1: "You don't know that--they'd have a better chance than Boston" (b.s.)
Dude 2: "That may be true, but I want to see Boston in the finals against L.A." (for sure)

Damn Sexy 1: "That's too bad. So, what are you going to do?" (this is starting to sound like a Venezuelan soap opera; not that I've ever seen one, but my Spanish teacher said they make Desparate Housewives look tame)
Damn Sexy 2: "I don't know--he's a nice guy, but it's kind of like 'what's the point?'" (I resist the temptation to offer a solution, mainly because I don't have one)

Dude1: "How sweet would that be"
Dude 2: "Real ol' school, minus Bird & Magic, but still awesome" (I'm dying to jump into this conversation, but the tango lesson is beginning)

Tango Sin #3 For Men: Leading Your Partner Like She's A Bumper Car

2008-05-21T00:56:00.000-07:00

Tonight we continue through the list of tango mistakes men make when leading and I don't know of any leader who has committed these sins more than me.

I was at a milonga recently enjoying a great tango with my partner when suddenly I felt a four inch heel land into my right heel. I bit my teeth in pain, turned around to see who had just fired their nail gun, but instead saw a petit milonguera. She immediately apologized and clearly felt terrible about the whole thing, but it wasn't her fault--she had no idea she was so close to me. Unfortunately, it happened because of her partner, since it's the leaders responsibility to keep her and everyone around them safe.

So, how did this happen?

Unfortunately, it was another example of a guy leading his partner like she's a bumper car.

From my experience, there are three types of leaders I see at milongas who lead their partner like this:

1. The "Tailgater": I'm sorry to say this is what I used to do because I would tail the couple ahead of me by too close of a margin. When I first started out I was so focused on trying to lead that I wouldn't notice how close I was getting to the couple in front of us. By combining my lack of awareness with some leaders who take steps backwards without knowing if someone is behind them, the only outcome was bumping into each other. Some of our brothers bounce around a milonga using his partner like she's a pinball in a machine. There are no points scored for leading one's partner into another couple, so please be aware of your space to avoid my mistakes.

2. The "Speed Racer": There's a guy I'm acquainted with whom I see at milongas. Good luck finding a nicer guy to talk to, but when he gets on to the dance floor he slices through crowds for no apparent reason. He flies through the crowds trying to squeeze through openings so small it reminds me of the motorcyclists here that drive on the white line through stopped traffic. Both seem to be racing, but to where?

3. The "Heel Spiker": This is the dangerous one of the three because at least the Tailgater is usually a guy leading a woman's back slowly into the back of another man or woman. But, unlike the Tailgater, the Heel Spiker is normally led quickly into another couple without warning. It's the surprise element that normally leads to the spiking.

None of these examples are the followers fault although, ironically, it's normally the woman who apologizes. No, these bumps & spikes are the responsibility of the leader.

I know how hard it can be to pay attention to spacing on what are often crowded floors--especially as a beginner. Please, brothers, avoid my earlier mistakes. Protect your follower and the other dancers around you by using the widest safety zone possible.

My heels thank you.

Why I Stopped Going To Milongas When I'm Exhausted

2008-05-20T02:02:00.000-07:00

I like to tango.

A slow week for me is when I only get in tango 3 times. A more normal week is 4 or 5 times a week.

But I used to go for tango even on nights when I was exhausted. So, how did that work out for me?...yeah, not too well. I finally stopped doing that when I was a beginner because I was so tired one night I was having trouble focusing.

My internal dialogue went something like this: "hmm, who can I tango with?; she looks nice & not too far above my level; great--she accepted; wow, she dances better than I realized; geez--she can really move her body; damn, she's sexy; ok, I've just repeated the only two moves I know eight times--what was that new one I just learned? was it a boleo to the right or left? I think it was to the right? no, it was to the left, or was that the gancho? why did everyone stop moving? or is a gancho that move I just learned or an Argentine cowboy? John Wayne--now there was a cowboy! Although Jimmy Stewart was better in "Destry Rides Again"; why are people walking off the floor?; I wonder who would've won in a fight between John Wayne and Jimmy Stewart? Yeah, sure the obvious choice is John Wayne, but I bet Jimmy Stewart would've kicked his ass. Hell, Stewart flew dangerous missions in World War II--now that was a guy with a backbone! it got real quiet in here all of a sudden; And that scene when Stewart danced into the pool with Donna Reed in "It's A Wonderful Life"--hilarious! I would've loved to have tangoed with Donna Reed. I wonder if she or Grace Kelly would've been a better tango dancer? Why is my partner is looking at me quizically? Damn it, the tango ended! How did I miss that? I've got to focus--no more drifting. 'Thanks for the dance--sorry I missed the ending'; ok, so Jimmy Stewart kicks John Wayne's ass, but would he have beaten Clint Eastwood? Clint was probably a faster draw, but if it's a barfight--I'd take Stewart again--he's just too fast; hmm, who can I dance with?; she looks nice and not too far above my level..."

Brothers, if you ever find yourself tangoing with a lovely woman and wondering if Jimmy Stewart would've kicked John Wayne's ass, it's time to go home.

Tango Sin #2 For Men: Throwing Your Partner Around Like A Ragdoll

2008-05-19T19:42:00.000-07:00

And, yes, I committed this sin in my first year of tango, too. You know what it usually looks like--a guy is doing a fine job of leading his partner, nice salida, elegant backward ochos and then, bam!, he throws her like a ragdoll. She's jarred and continues with a look of dread; he's oblivious and continues with a look of anticipation planning his next big move.

Or so it normally goes. I was watching this very type of scene two Sundays ago--the guy wasn't being respectful of his partners body even though her discomfort was obvious. I honestly don't know if the guy had any idea how uncomfortable this was for her, but I had the feeling he didn't. Finally, he jarred her one too many times and she appropriately walked off the floor.

What an unfortunate and frustrating experience for her. She was there to have a great time and now she's having to worry for her safety and feeling the awkwardness of having to leave her partner on the dance floor. There were a lot of glancing looks as people tried figuring out what had just happened. Fortunately, I think the guy got it because during his next dance he didn't try any of his show moves and his boleos became more subtle.

Women, I will never try to excuse my own bad leading from the past (I'm sure many would question my use of the "past", but please throw me a bone). Nor will I try to excuse the lead of some of my brothers. But I will try to explain it.

Why do we sometimes lead moves as if our follow is a ragdoll?

Because too often we don't take enough classes to properly learn moves and we end up leading them badly. As a result of not having really learned the moves, we don't know strong our lead should be in the beginning.

When new leaders (and sometimes more experienced ones, too) start going to milongas, the confusion mounts because there's a lot to remember and we start hitting sensory overload (difficult dance to learn, sultry music, close embrace tangos, sexy women, great people, the chattering crowd, the flowing line of dance...). You add all this up and then combine it with the challenge of having to gauge how strong your lead should be for different moves and, unfortunately, most of us make mistakes in the beginning.

This is why, brothers, it's important when you're starting out to please practice your new moves in classes and practicas before surprising a women with them at a milonga. And if you're determined to try a new move, err on the side of leading the move too gently at first and only increase incrementally as necessary. What's the worst that can happen?...the move doesn't work, but at no risk to her. I can tell you it took me well over a year to get boleos down and I'm shocked now by how boleos are a simple transfer of weight. I lead them now with half the power, but they're twice as effective. Less is more.

So, brothers, lead her safely. If we're respectful of our partner, we'll have a new friend who will gladly dance with us at milongas for years to come. And what could be better than that?

But Doesn't Three Tango Performances Qualify As An Excuse?

2008-05-16T03:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,
I'm sorry I wasn't able to post more recently, but over the past 2 weeks I've been swamped launching our new website at work (a few too many 1am calls to New Dehli) & I've had 3 tango performances with LiberTango.

Now I know what you're thinking: "But, Mark, I don't even go out tangoing until 1am, so, that's a lame excuse."

Good point.

Mark

A Big Fat Greek Wedding, A Little Tango, A Lot of Bachlava

2008-05-06T01:00:00.000-07:00

God bless the Greeks.

I'm fortunate to be on a tango performance team called LiberTango, led by the multi-talented Christy Cote and Darren Lees. Sunday night we performed at a Greek-American wedding at the beautiful Greek Orthodox Cathedral in Oakland Hills. I've performed about 25 times before (tango & salsa), but last night was my first time performing at a wedding.

It was great fun, mainly because there were a couple of hundred people there and, thankfully, they really got into the tango. The funny thing is we hung around after our tango performances to see if any folks at the reception needed any enouragment to dance to the band. That turned out to be completely unnecessary because Greek-Americans need about as much encouragement to dance as Latino's do. It was more of a sprint to see who could get to the dance floor first.

So, out of respect for the privacy of the families, I'm only posting a distant photo to give you a feeling for the room, which was great. We felt like we were tangoing inside a giant blue cumulus cloud. This photo was just before the band started playing & everyone packed the dance floor in two big circles for Greek dances. Awesome.

I can't remember the last time I saw people having so much fun at a wedding. God bless Greek-Americans.

Tango Sin #1 For Men: Tossing In Moves Above Our Level

2008-05-05T02:59:00.000-07:00

Brothers, before I jump into today's blog, let me say that I've made every mistake in the tango book. So, when I offer feedback for us that I've heard from women, please don't think I'm saying I don't make the same mistakes--I've made them all.

Having said that, I have heard from women that they lose some of their tango love for us as leads when we think we're better than we really are and, as a result, try to lead moves at milongas that are above our heads.

Men, how do you know if you fall into this same category I was in for too long? Well, do you feel comfortable leading all of your steps? More importantly, when you're leading your more advanced steps does your partner have a look on her face of happiness or anxiety?

If she has a look of anxiety or frustration then you might need to bring some of your Forever Tango-inspired moves that you're doing at milongas back into practice sessions until your partner tells you they're ready for prime time. When I was in this same phase I was trying to squeeze every single one of my moves into every single tango--regardless of whether I knew how to lead them and ignoring the fact that some didn't fit the music. I was trying to create a great Argentinian guisos soup from my tango, but I kept dumping in too many half-baked ingredients so I ended up with my own "specialty"--an inedible tango broth that tasted more like a combination of Miso/pumpkin/chicken/beet & squid stew.

So, what did I do initially? The logical thing...I inwardly blamed my partners! Surely it wasn't my fault.

But try as I did, I still had this nagging suspicion that the problem was me, not her. Admitting that, though, was hard.

So, what was the tipping point for me when I finally realized it was me? It happened at a milonga at ODC one night. I'd seen a very nice senior woman tango before & was looking forward to dancing a full tanda with her. We started what I assumed would be the first of three or four tangos, but immediately after our first one ended she politely thanked me and walked away. "Hey!" I thought to myself as I watched her sit down, "I still have another 18 moves to show you!" And that was it--I knew then I had to change my ways. But how? Fortunately, I've had great teachers and when I asked them for how to improve my tango almost all of them basically said "less is more--don't try the advanced stuff at a milonga until you're sure you've got it down."

And so overnight I started leading moves that were half as difficult, but felt twice as fun for both my partner and me. The frustrated expressions of my partners slowly left. I started enjoying the basics more and my technique started progressing faster, too.

So, men--give it a try. Unless you're positive you've got all of your more advanced moves down, remove your most difficult 2 or 3 moves from your mental step list and don't break them out again until they're milonga-ready.

And if that doesn't work, then you can blame your partner!

That was a lame joke, obviously. Of all the possible explanations for our partners unhappy expressions, blaming our partner is the only thing that's never an option.

The Wonderful Sounds of Tango & The American Bullfrog

2008-05-02T02:19:00.000-07:00

Recently I was in St Augustine, Florida visiting my Dad.

Funny thing about St. Augustine--great beaches, lousy tango.

At the end of my week there all I could think of was how strange it felt to not dance tango for 5 nights straight. My Dad's place is close to the beach, so instead of my flat in San Francisco where the fog rolls in from the Pacific, I smelled the salt drifting in from the Atlantic. After awhile I put on my iPod to listen to tango. I start to concentrate and finally I start to hear tango in the distance. I'm slowly drifting into a milonga. But wait-what's that noise? I've never heard that at a milonga. Maybe that's because my mental tanda is being crowded out by the croaking of American bullfrogs and the bellowing of the gators in the wetlands behind my Dad's place.

Yes, bellowing gators--as in the twelve footer in the pond behind my Dad's place.

I decide to try & find a milonga, so I get online. The closest tango is in Orlando--a good 2 hours away. I'm tempted, but is it worth the drive just to tango with Minnie Mouse? Not that I have anything against dancing with mice. Don't get me wrong because I'm not mousist--I'll tango with anyone or anything at this point. It's just that I've heard Minnie backleads.

Goodbye Tango "Strangers", Hello Partners In Crime

2008-05-01T00:05:00.000-07:00

I had a tango revelation at my last milonga. Our pre-milonga class ended & and for my first tanda I asked a stranger to tango. We took each other into a close embrace for 3 minutes and I realized how much I dislike the word "stranger" in tango. Why? Because synonyms for "strangers" ("foreigner, alien and outsider") are all words that describe exactly the opposite of how I felt during our tango.

Whether or not I've ever met a tanguera before isn't important. When I think of the tangueras I dance with, I think of "partner, cohort, compadre, crony, and my favorite--partner in crime."

I don't need to have met a tanguera before to already be connected to her through our shared passion for the world's most intimate dance.

TangoCast: Excellent Tango Lessons With Christy Cote & Darren Lees At Cocomo

2008-04-28T02:00:00.000-07:00

Tonight at Cocomo's was very rich. We started off having an excellent class with Christy Cote & Darren Lees. They even performed afterwards! DJ Polo does a great job playing the music--he has a real talent for chosing creative tandas.

Please note that next Sunday is another milonga at Cocomos. The teachers will be Romina & Marcelo who are very smooth. Hope to see you there.

Best,
Mark

Comme il Faux Tango Shoes

2008-04-23T02:40:00.000-07:00

Well, I suppose it had to happen sooner or later.

A few nights ago I was walking from my car to a milonga when out of nowhere a guy in a dark alley whispers towards me "Hey, buddy, if you've got a special lady in your life, I've got Comme il Faut's here for her at half price!"

Half price? That sounded too good to be true. I don't know what Comme il Faut's normally cost, but I know from tango blogs that they're expensive. So, half of a lot sounded pretty good, as I figured I could get some for my friends inside.

The guy held out what looked at first glance like an authentic Comme il Faut. But he pulled the shoe back so quickly I was reminded of the illicit money changers in Prague back in the early 1990s whom I used to see on the side streets. They would flash you a wad of Czech crowns and then hide them before you could tell if they were real or not.

So, here I was talking to a guy in an alley whose face I couldn't even see. I was tempted, but from what I'd heard Comme il Faut tango shoes keep their value better than my car, so half-price seemed fishier than Pier 39 in August. I asked to see the shoes one more time and it was during this second flash that I saw the name on the shoe was actually "Comme il Faux." Finally, it all came together for me in an instant & I had my confirmation that these shoes were about as authentic as a Dick Cheney smile. Sensing I was on to him, the smuggler started backing away and before I could catch a glimpse of his face he disappeared faster than a handful of counterfeit Czech crowns.

Top 15 Ways To Know If You're Addicted To Tango

2008-04-21T23:50:00.000-07:00

As addictions go, this is a nice one we have, isn't it? If you're not sure if you've completely lost yourself to Argentine tango, this blog is officially saying you're addicted to tango if you:
1. Get frustrated when you can't lead your dog into the cross
2. Check your iPod's "recently played" and it's all tango
3. Think of Buenos Aires like you think of Heaven or Shangri-La, except with better dancers
4. Wonder if you could ever date or marry a non-tango dancer
5. Sign all your emails with "abrazos"
6. Think your friends are crazy for not tangoing 5 nights a week (and vice versa)
7. Have thought of moving to Buenos Aires to study tango
8. Practice moves walking down the street, in the bathroom at work, in supermarkets...
9. Wonder how you ever lived "BT" (Before Tango)
10. Blame your cat for not being able to do a proper molinete (assuming you're the lead, shouldn't you blame yourself?)
11. Think it's natural to walk up to a person you've never met in your life, take them into your arms and hold them in a close embrace for 3 minutes
12. Own more Comme il Fauts or NeoTango's than you do work shoes (Women only)
13. Get itchy if you go more than 2 nights without getting your milonga fix
14. Think the sexiest thing in the world is a woman that tangoes well (Men only?)
15. Don't understand why colleagues at work don't accept your cabeceo to lunch

Abrazos,
Mark

Confused By The Cabeceo?

2008-04-18T01:36:00.000-07:00

One of the things I love most about tango is that the rules are so clear for dancers to follow:

1. The man leads, the woman follows (unless, of course, the lead is shared as the follow does certain embellishments)

2. All instructors teach the same core of tango technique (although it is true that most teachers have their own variations of tango technique)

3. The cabeceo makes the invitation so easy & clear (actually, this is only true in Buenos Aires where the the cabeceo is the rule; if you're in America one has to use a mix of invitation methods such as the cabeceo, verbal requests, extending the hand, hand signals, semaphore and smoke signals)

Okay, so maybe things aren't quite as crystal clear in tango as they first sound in blogs.

So, like I was saying, one of the things I love most about tango is that the rules are so appropriately flexibility...

Comme il Faut versus NeoTango: Which Are Your Favorites? (Take Poll In Top Right To Decide )

2008-04-16T23:05:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought I was getting the hang of how universal women's love for Comme il Faut tango shoes is, a friend of mine told me she "hates!" them. She doesn't think they're comfortable enough & her personal favorites are NeoTango.

At a milonga recently I trotted out my new knowledge and, using my "I'm in the know" tone, told another friend I knew that a lot of women love NeoTango shoes more, a notion my friend promptly rejected. She replied that her Comme il Faut's are awesome & proceeded to whip out one of her girlfriend's Comme il Faut's. As if to prove her case, she held the shoe up for me and asked "What do you see?" I told her I saw a heel. She looked at the heel, then me, and then back at the heel, wondering why I couldn't see what she saw: the pillar of all tango civilization.

So, Ladies, I give up. I thought I could grow to understand the unspoken Comme il Faut vs. NeoTango competition, but I don't.

But before this breaks down into the next Hatfield versus McCoys, I have a simple solution. Take the poll in the top right of this tango blog to choose your favorite pair of tango shoes and we'll let the readers decide.

Close or Open?

2008-04-14T01:25:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Gentlemen - when you have invited/been invited to dance, it is both people's choices to dance close or open.

If you're uncomfortable dancing close embrace, for any reason, look into your partners eyes, smile cordially and put your hands out in front of you in an open embrace. Do not budge. Your arms become a barrier so that the other person has to accept. Should the other person object (clear sign they're disrespectful) you can say...

"I'm not comfortable dancing close embrace..." with you.

"I'd like to try open embrace first..." because you smell like my college roommate's month old laundry. Remember to smile politely.

If you'd like to dance close embrace, then open your arms wide, like you're about to hug the person. Your arms are not in front of you, they are on either side of you, about to accept the other person into your arms. This is the key difference between open and close - in open embrace your arms are in front of you, blocking the other person from entering, in close embrace your arms are open wide ready to invite the person to hug you. And then you lean into them and begin to dance.

Usually I will dance close embrace with a new partner. It's easier to close my eyes and concentrate on finding a connection and maintaining it. When two bodies are melded together, it's easier to find that connection. I generally will want to dance close with a good lead - I want to feel their shoulders, their upper and lower back and really get a sense of where their feet is.

As for why I will dance open embrace - generally if its someone who creeps me out and I've somehow lapsed into momentary insanity and said yes and accepted their dance. I will also dance open if I can't stand a lead's posture (I can't begin to impart how important this is). Bad posture will kill everything in a dance. I will dance open if the lead is a beginner. OR - OR, I will dance open if the lead is really good and I'm dancing tango nuevo to alternative tango music. There are some songs I do not want to dance close to - Tango in Harlem, No Diggity, Fever, etc. I absolutely love alternative tango music and some of them are best danced open, nuevo style.

Posture:

There are many postures in tango, many schools of thought. Pick and choose your own wisely.

If the lead is the Hunchback of Notre Dame, things get real difficult. Many leads from Buenos Aires bend their backs (I can't stand it!), making the female arch her back and stick her butt out. This looks really cool, but kills my lower back. I will upon occasion adopt this posture - if its someone I really want to dance with. If I don't want to arch, then the only connection I have will be from the shoulder where my arm is wrapped around them. This makes it super challenging - sometimes so challenging I give up.

My favourite posture is what I call the hug. When you go to hug someone, you don't stand stiff. The stiff posture is ten times worse than the Hunch or the Bend. It's like dancing with a telephone post. Try pivoting with that. When you hug someone, you lean into them just a tiny bit, so that your chest touches. Then you wrap your arms around them and hug. The hug is comfortable, sweet, sincere and well connected. It is not a squeeze and it is not hugging a pineapple tree. Some men's embrace is so light I wonder if they want to touch me at all. A hug is loving. And so is close embrace.

And some leads will change their embrace depending on the song, the tanda, or their moves. You may not be completely connected/attached at all times. Some men have a preference of having their follows connected at all times, others will allow you to disconnect so that you can do what you need to do. Personally, staying connected for an entire 3 minute song will drench my shirt. Not comfy.

And here's a myth I would like to de-mystify. Tango and connections can be hit or miss. I've danced with some amazing dancers before and felt... blah. Some of my friends have raved about so and so. And when I dance with this amazing so and so - nothing. Meh. Sometimes your connection will be great, but the other person thought it was okay. I've had a few leads fall in love with me when I felt bored. I've danced with some amazing dancers and thought - WTF?

By the by, if you can't have a good connection with your tango teacher, fire him/her. If your teacher can't show you how a good connection feels, they're not for you.

Please Gentlemen, I beg of you..

2008-04-10T16:46:00.000-07:00

I'm on a tango frenzy, dancing until my feet can no longer hold me up. My head becomes an oscillating fan, turning to and fro to catch eyes or ignore cabaceos as I see fit. A nice gentlemen I had observed a few tandas before smiled at me and leaned his head towards the floor. I had watched him dance and he was so considerate of his partners, so comfortable looking that I had to find out if he was as comfortable as I had believed.

We come upon each other and I raise my right hand in offering. He accepted graciously. I raised my left hand - this is the biggie - if the left hand raised is firm and forward, in front of me - it will be open embrace. If I raise them to the side and wrap my arm around his shoulders, it will become close embrace. (Ladies, you never have to dance close embrace with anyone - open and close is a quiet, nonverbal negotiation). I opted for close embrace and wrapped my arms around him as if in a hug... and had a curious whiff of day old laundry.

Oh dear.

Please, please, please gentlemen - smell nice!
Whenever you find yourself, or know to find yourself in close proximity to the ladies, do what you can, what you must, to smell as pleasing to the female senses as possible.

In tango we ladies often dance with our eyes shut, so that we may feel our leads. What this does is shut down our sense of sight to heighten our sense of feel. What it also does is heighten every other sense out there - like the sense of smell. Maybe I'm finicky but I like to have pleasing aromas come my way and the aromatherapy is not one of "why didn't he do his laundry?" You don't have to bathe in cologne, but close embrace means that my nose will be dangerously close to your body. Shower, bathe and groom with confidence that it will go duly appreciated.

And while we're on the subject of grooming - what I would really, really like to see, especially during festival milongas - is the gentlemen change their shirts. When you dance all nighters, it's bound to get sweaty. That's ok. Everyone sweats. But at the end of the night and your badge of honour is the drippiness you leave your partners with... uhm, I didn't wear my newest, best dress for your sweat glands to try out. After one festival I was at, I had to dry clean my Oscar de la Renta dress twice before I could wear it again... one too many milonga tandas assured that I was not going to walk away dry.

While deodorant is absolutely necessary, do know that you're going to sweat. Everywhere. At one DC festival I was at, there was this gentleman that dripped from his forehead down to his beard to trickle then onto my forehead. For a second there I thought it rained. Bring a towel right along with your shoe bags my dear. And since we ladies do so much to present ourselves - our makeup, hair, shoes, clothes, perfume - the least you could do is keep us relatively dry and not offend our olfactory bulbs.

Yours always,

Sappho

Floods, Brothels & My Chinese Wedding Bed

2008-04-09T23:55:00.000-07:00

Last fall my apartment flooded. I won't bore you with the details of how that happened, but suffice it to say I won't be sending my neighbor a holiday card this year. One rainy day I came home, opened my door and saw 3 inches of water throughout my flat.

What was my first thought as I looked at my new aquarium? It was "how am I going to get this cleaned up in time to make tonight's milonga at the Monte Cristo?" You see, even when swimming in my kitchen, I had my tango priorities straight.

So, I moved out of my flat and into a B&B called, what else, the Monte Cristo. Yes, I saw the irony of the situation. Here I was spending a lot of time tangoing at the Monte Cristo & now I was living in a place by the same name. But that's only where the twisted humor started--it was about to get worse.

After I moved into the Monte Cristo (the B&B, not the place that has the milongas), the owner informed me that it was opened originally as a brothel back in the 1870s and somehow survived the 1906 earthquake. Then he gave me the key to the only room he had left that weekend. I walked into my room and immediately saw a Victorian Canopy Bed. It was one of those frilly things women love & guys hate. I shook my head wondering what I had done to deserve this. But not wanting to dwell on the fact that I was surrounded by a roomful of lace, I changed into my tango clothes and left the Monte Cristo for the Monte Cristo.

I tangoed my tail off that weekend & before I knew it the owner of the B&B informed me I had to move out of the Victorian Canopy Bedroom and into another room. This was because a couple had reserved my specific room months earlier (I'm guessing it wasn't the husband). So, I packed my bags and followed the owner down the halls to my new room. I was happy to be out of that room. I didn't care what kind of room I was moving into--anything would be better than staying in Martha Stewart's dream bedroom.

Or so I thought.

The owner swung open the door of my new room and proudly announced "this is our Chinese Wedding Bedroom!" I started laughing at the sight of the bed feeling like I was caught in some tango twilight zone. Certainly I was on one of those video shows & my tango friends were going to jump out and yell "busted!" But, alas, no, I had just descended another level into my purgatory, which I had just made worse by offending the friendly owner who had been so clearly pleased with the room. I looked around & noticed the oddest looking shower in the corner of the room. But nothing was going to phase me at this point, not even the owner explaining to me how to use the bamboo ladder to climb 5 feet down into the shower.

So, I changed again into my tango clothes and headed out to the Metronome milonga.

This is where I learned something fascinating. Something so shocking, so heretical, so unbelievable, I wouldn't have believed it if it hadn't happened to me. What did I learn?

In certain situations, men are more sympathetic than women!

You can laugh, you can think I'm a fool, but I swear my conversations at the milonga went something like this:

Me: "Yea, my flat flooded, so I had to move into a B&B. I was staying in their Victorian Canopy Bedroom."

My female friend: "Too bad about flood, but that's great about the Victorian Bed! What color is the canopy? Do you have any photos? How tall is it?..."

Me: "Um, I'm not really sure. I had to move out of that room & into the Chinese Wedding Bedroom."

My female friend (looking at me like I'd just won the lottery): "Oh my God, what wood is it made out of? How big is it? It must be beautiful! Do you have any photos of it...?"

Ladies, I'm normally reluctant to give out advice. But if a guy ever tells you he's had to spend the last 5 nights in a Victorian Canopy Bedroom & a Chinese Wedding Bedroom, please don't congratulate him on his incredible luck. Offer him sympathy instead.

And this is where my tango brotherhood rode into town and gave me the only answer one man can give another in depressing straights like this. When I told my tango brothers the same story their response was a universal: "Damn, bro, I'm sorry to hear it--that's just wrong."

My 5 nights at the Monte Cristo turned into 5 weeks, but eventually I did move back into my aquarium. By that time I'd received so many requests for room photos from my tanguera friends, that I took the two above for this tango blog (including the ladder in the backround of the top photo).

What did I learn from this whole experience? There are just some gender divides that can never be crossed, even if you do have a bamboo ladder.

#1 Mistake A Man Can Make In Tango

2008-04-08T23:57:00.000-07:00

Men, we can step on her feet, stumble through our moves, and still have a fun tango with her. On the other hand, we can have awesome technique and musicality, but if we get this one thing wrong it's all over.

So, what is this #1 mistake a man can make in tango?: Not being respectful to your partner.

Respect comes in various forms:
1. Verbal respect
The most common frustration I hear from women outside of this blog is when we men give unsolicited "constructive criticism". I know because I've made this mistake before and then seen my partner's expression turn cold. Unless a brother is explicitly asked by a woman for feedback and unless he's considered a technique pro (by more people than just himself), I never recommend giving feedback.

Men, I have a simple question in this tango blog: how much do we like receiving unsolicited, negative feedback from women? Well, women want to hear our constructive criticism about as much as we do from them.

2. Body language respect
Even for our brothers that don't verbalize their constructive criticism, there is always the joy of body language. I'm talking about the frustrating sighs & looks of impatience that some of our brothers don't think women are picking up on. But as one of my female friends said after a bad tango, "He didn't have to say anything--his frustration with me was clear in his face. We were making mistakes during our tango & his body language was clearly telling me these were my mistakes."

3. Respect her body
She's the one walking backwards, not us. She has no idea if she's about to bump into someone or get a heel into her ankle, which is why it's our obligation to lead in a way that always protects her.

There's a very nice gentleman I see at milongas and good luck finding a funner guy to talk to off the floor. But once the tanda starts he leads his follow through crowds like he's playing bumper pool. I can't explain the disconnect between his friendly, off-floor personality & him being apparently unaware that the way he charges through crowds is, at best, not joyously received by other dancers and, at worst, dangerous to his partner. It's just like when we're driving home late at night with our girlfriend or wife--we have responsibility for two.

And we should also be careful not to jar women with sudden moves. I'm sorry to say I unintentionally jerked my partner once doing a move and she got a kink in her back as a result. She worked it out through the massage therapist I provided, but knowing I'd hurt my partner was the worst feeling I've ever had in dance. No more. It took me a while to realize what a teacher had always been saying: "Less is more."

So, men, the best way to impress a tanguera isn't by speeding through a crowded line of dance or surprising them with showy moves--it's through being a fun partner, connecting with her, your technique, and musicality.

But most of all, impress your partner through your spoken & unspoken respect.

How To Choose A Great Tango Teacher

2008-04-08T00:49:00.000-07:00

As tango students we don't talk much about this publicly. But privately we talk about this all the time. What is this behind-the-door topic of conversation I wanted to add to this tango blog?:

"How good is your tango teacher?"

The truth is that not all teachers are created equal. So, if you're looking for a new tango teacher, here are some tips for finding a great one. Your tango teacher should:
1. Focus on technique more than moves. Most teachers can teach a move, but not many are excellent at teaching technique and yet it's technique that is so critical in tango. I had an interesting conversation last week with a friend who went to Buenos Aires for CITA last month. He said some of the best performers were also some of the least adept teachers. Of course, the opposite can be true, too.
2. Give you a lot of feedback. My favorite teachers have a keen eye for what their students need to improve. How much feedback does your teacher give you?
3. Be patient when you have questions. Not all teachers are this way, but my best ones are.
4. Be fun to be around. We spend a lot of money on tango lessons and we spend a lot of time with our teachers, so it helps when we enjoy spending time with them.
5. Be motivational. Some teachers are better at this than others. The best tango teachers I've ever had develop an understanding of what makes each of their students tick over time. Some students need a soft, supportive teacher while others need to be pushed with as much brutal feedback as possible. You know your learning style best, so hopefully you can find a tango teacher that matches it.
6. Loves what they do. Enthusiasm for tango can't be faked and when we see it in our teachers it increases our own motivation to keep learning.
7. Is constantly learning. Tango is a marathon without a finish line and the best teachers are constantly learning and then bringing that back into their classes. There isn't a tango teacher in the world that has reached perfection and the best ones have a great curiosity to keep learning more about tango. I'll always remember watching Nito (Nito & Elba) last summer at Nora's Tango Week. One of the other teachers knew a new move, which Nito was so excited to see that he had the other teacher who was half his age break the move down so he could learn it.

So, think about your teacher. Are you learning a lot from her/him? If so, it will be obvious as you continue to progress in practicas and milongas. But only you can know if your teacher is right for you.

TangoCast: Claudia Lissette's Class at the ODC Practica

2008-04-07T22:52:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's just the tango crowd I roll with, maybe it was for no particular reason at all, but I've never known much about Claudia Lissette's teaching. I've taken a ton of tango classes with Claudia's partner, Julian Miller, that I've always gotten a lot out of. But for some reason, even though I knew what Claudia looked like, I'd never taken one of her classes.

This was my loss.

But this all changed Friday night when I took her class at ODC before the practica (please play the audio player above to listen to my TangoCast from that practica).

So, I wanted to highlight in this tango blog the most important things I learned from Claudia's excellent class:

1. She focuses a ton on connection, which I loved. She had us do a drill where we focused just on our connection. We were connected torso to torso, swaying back & forth with our partners, but we couldn't use our arms. Then we did the same armless exercise walking together. Please try this with a partner if you haven't already--it's a great way to learn what we need to do to connect more with our partner.

2. Our torsos should always be engaged, but relaxed. Mine was too rigid & that was preventing a more natural connection with my partner.

3. Lastly, Claudia is excellent at explaining detailed technique. She didn't just show us & then let us fall apart. She went into great detail about tango posture, connection & how our bodies should feel.

4 Steps To Becoming A Great Tango Dancer

2008-04-04T02:55:00.000-07:00

I'm not a great tango dancer, but I love studying "expert performance" and there's something that's come out of this field in recent years that can help those of us working on becoming better tango dancers. What is this fascinating finding?

Experts are made, not born.

So, what does that mean for us? How can we develop into much better tango dancers than we are today?

Well, it turns out there are actually some very clear ways to do this. Paraphrasing one of the world's thought leaders on expert performance, Professor Anders Ericcson, it all comes down to "deliberate practice". According to Ericcson, there are 4 critical elements that everyone must do to become an expert, which I've tailored below for this tango blog:

1. Set specific tango goals. Where do you want your tango to be in 1, 3, 5 years? Is your focus on becoming a better social dancer or do you want to perform or both? Do you want to become a sacada or colgada master? I have friends that want to simply enjoy tango at milongas, so they're correctly casual about their tango. But I have another friend who wants to become a leading tango teacher in America, so she has set very specific tango goals for herself (take x classes a week, take x privates a month, go to x milongas a month...). When she first told me this I felt like her tango had become so regimented that the fun must be gone. But then I realized I don't know anyone developing faster than her and she's more likely to join the ranks of great tango dancers than anyone I know. Interestingly, she does find it fun because she's making such fast progress towards her goal.

2. Focus on technique. Too often people focus more on doing as many moves as possible as opposed to focusing on technque. I made this mistake for years in salsa and it's the same in tango. Woman would rather dance with a leader who can only lead 3 moves with excellent technique versus dance with a leader who throws in 20 moves, but doesn't have much technique. When my tango technique goes through growth spurts it's always when I'm taking the most classes and privates from the great teachers, watching a lot of teaching videos (I'm watching a lot of Christy Cote's & George Garcia's videos now, which are excellent), watching video of myself, and going to a lot of practicas and milongas.

3. Get immediate feedback from your tango teachers on what you need to improve the most. It can be hard hearing this feedback at first--especially for beginners. I know--I've been there (one time in a salsa class my teacher said I was dancing like Robocop and I don't think he meant that in a good way). But this feedback is critical to our development, so ask your teacher for it. Another great way to get feedback is to video yourself. I remember how shocked I was the first time I did this. I'd never seen myself dance tango, but I had a mental image that I looked like the best of the Forever Tango performers (hubris is an amazing thing). Then I was Forever Humbled watching my video as I saw what I was--a beginner with lousy technique making a hundred mistakes. I recovered from that shock & am always using video now to get feedback from teachers, tango friends & for self-feedback.

4. Work extremely hard. This is probably the easiest element to understand, but hardest to do. It's critical to development, though, as proven by both of last years "Athlete's Of the Year" according to the Associated Press. Tom Brady, Quarterback for the New England Patriots, has long been known as the hardest working player on the team. And according to Links Players, Lorena Ochoa (# 1 women's golfer in the world) "is marked by two stunningly mature benchmarks: extraordinary discipline and a yearning to be mentored. In college, Ochoa's fitness regime was almost legendary. When the rest of the team showed up for workouts at 6 a.m., Ochoa had already completed a 10k run."

Funny thing, but it turns out that "practice does make perfect". This is why to avoid burnout as we work on our "deliberate practice" it's so important to do something we love.

And we do love tango.

"Please Don't Disturb The Tango Fish"

2008-04-03T23:03:00.000-07:00

Last Friday night I took most of my best non-tango friends (4 women & 1 guy) to the ODC milonga. Because I walked in last, I expected to see them inside the milonga, but, instead, they were sitting outside the dance room looking with wonder through the big glass windows. They were pointing at their favorite dancers that floated by and they practically had their faces pressed up against the glass, so much so that they looked like they were at an aquarium admiring exotic fish. Everyone was having so much fun we started tapping on the window with excitement pointing out great moves, at which point I expected a guard to come up to us and say "Please don't disturb the tango fish. These creatures are very sensitive."

But we were on the outside looking in & I wanted to tango. I asked my friends why they weren't inside & they all sang out in unison "because we don't have to worry about being asked to dance here!" My friends settled happily into their tank viewing perch, which is a play area during the day for kids (ODC makes it clear that parents have to stay with their kids with a sign on the wall that says "unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy").

Over the next couple of hours I tangoed and then I'd come back to listen to my friends' observations, which reminded me of how different tango looks to people seeing it for the first time.

What did my friends notice that made me want to blog about that night? Well, the intellectual, philosophical, sophisticated conversation one of my female friends and I had went something like this:

My friend: "So, is like every couple dancing married or hooking up?"
Me: "No, a few are married or dating, but most are single. Why?"

My friend: "Well, everyone is dancing so closely together"
Me: "That's true--that's why they call it a close embrace"

My friend: "But some of the women are even dancing with their eyes closed"
Me: "That's quite common--it helps women connect more with their partners"

My friend: "But that woman has her mouth so close to his ear--and they've been whispering into each other's ears the whole song"
Me: "Well, they're probably hooking up"

Even though my friends were newbies, they quickly picked out the best dancers. It only took one tango before we all agreed that one of the best male dancers was a senior who's about 70, so we admired his dancing. It was inspirational watching this senior who was proving you can be a great tanguero at any age.

So, at your next milonga sit out a tanda, relax and admire the exotic creatures in the aquarium.

Just don't disturb the tango fish.

Why I Secretly Love Dancing With Beginners

2008-04-02T22:44:00.000-07:00

I'll always remember my first milonga (Cell Space), where I didn't know you were supposed to dance the whole tanda with your partner. So, with every woman I danced that evening I kept repeating the same faux pas of thanking them at the end of the first song and happily walking away, wondering why each woman stood there looking at me quizzically. I did this the whole evening until a friend pointed out my error.

Ah, the joys of being a beginner tango dancer.

But now that I have more experience & dance with a lot of beginners, I'm reminded of what a challenge it can be to be a beginner tango dancer. There even seems to be this mistaken belief that the more experienced partner is doing the beginner a favor by dancing with them because how could the more experienced dancer possibly enjoy tangoing with a beginner?

Not true!

So, I want to explain in this tango blog why there are so many reasons why it's great fun dancing with beginners:

1. You get to meet great new women

2. If your partner is fun then the tango is fun, regardless of your partner's level

3. It's fun to dance with people who are so excited to be learning tango

4. As a leader, it's our responsibility to help women learn Argentine tango, just like the countless women that helped us learn

5. But it's this last reason that might be a surprise. I know I never thought of it until I took a class with Oscar Mandagaran last year. He said the best way to judge your own tango level is by your ability to make a beginner look good.

I didn't fully get this at first probably because I was such a newbie myself at the time that I wasn't good enough to make a beginner look good. And even though I'm not that much further down the tango road now, I'm starting to see what Oscar meant.

So, fellow leaders, there are a lot of great reasons why we enjoy dancing with beginners. But if you need one more, take the "Beginners Challenge" & see if your lead has developed to the point that you can make a beginner look great.

4 Secrets To George Garcia's "Lush Connection"

2008-04-01T02:34:00.000-07:00

We've been blessed the last few weeks having George Garcia visiting from Hawaii and giving one great class after another--it's obvious why he's a Bay Area favorite. I was able to take 2 of his classes and it's hard to boil everything I learned into one tango blog post. But perhaps the biggest learning our group had was last night when George taught us how to create a "lush connection." I'm sure I won't be able to do justice to all the points George talked about or say it as poetically as he did, but here are the 4 things I took away:

1. A lush connection is about the couple expressing itself

2. The connection comes from the torso

3. Don't be afraid of touching thighs during the song as part of the connection

4. Leaders should lead with their right arm down somewhat lower on the woman's back than is normally taught. The part of the lead that comes from the right arm is not just the hand, but also the inner part of the forearm. The lead should be gentle, but clear. This is particularly true when dancing a milonga, but also applies for tango (you can see this in the video above of George dancing with the excellent SF teacher, Chelsea Eng). Our class tried this last night and it was the biggest "ah-Ha!" moment we all had. When George asked the follows afterwards how this lead felt one woman said she felt "loved". I'd never led with my right arm like this before (normally I keep it mostly stationary around her shoulder blade), but I must say I felt a much closer connection and ability to lead--especially when we danced a fast milonga.

Doing the Heartbreak Tango

2008-03-31T12:59:00.000-07:00

It is too true - tango is the vertical expression of the horizontal obsession.

The connection that is sometimes found is so precious, so tangible you can sometimes not only feel it in your bones, but taste it on your lips, melting into your tongue. The foundation of how a person dances is how they are in bed... or on the couch, the kitchen counter and elsewheres. But that's another story for another day.

Today is a story of tango heartbreak, of two beautiful people who found each other. I will call the follow Lorena and the lead James. Lorena and James fit together in a dance like two bookends, holding up the foundation of tango with their connection. They sizzled. And when the tandas and milongas were over, they'd meet up to find that they had more in common than just their dancing bones. Basically boy meets girl via tango, falls in love and move in together.

And then things started to fall apart, too slowly. As far as love goes, most people know the intrinsic one - the absorbed and too focused one. The one that is not strong enough to stand the sharing of bodies and minds with too many people beyond oneself. How does a regular person stand to see the one they love share a similar connection with someone else, even if it's for 15, 20, 30 minutes? It's like watching the one you love, fall in love with someone else, over and over. It's upsetting for some, it's painful for others and for some whose passions run deep, the insanity of jealousy eats at the very core until it spoils everything.

The fights started happening. Lorena didn't like that James would dance more than one tanda with a woman and definitely not more than two. James hated seeing her close her eyes in bliss in some other man's arms. They tried to work it out, make compromises and assuage each other's egos. But the very core of jealousy is too green, too selfish and the taste of jealousy replaced the sweetness upon their lips.

Et alors, James moved out. He now spends his time avoiding Lorena's eyes, to stare anywhere but the dance floor where her eyes are closed, her body melting into the dance... and another man's arms. And Lorena's eyes wear the colour of sadness, of what could have been if only, staring unblinking into the beautiful pose of her ex-boyfriend moving gracefully about the floor with some beautiful woman's arms wrapped around him. And they cannot avoid each other - they live in the same times, reside in the same community obsessed with tango, share the same tango friends, the same tango events they each host.

James and Lorena's story is not uncommon. I've seen it from Madrid to Amsterdam, from NYC to the Bay Area. And the longest, saddest part is that unless one of them leaves, the closure never comes. Every tango becomes heartbreaking, every milonga is tinged with memories of the person only meters away. And not to mention the awkwardness, for themselves, their friends and anyone who might trip along the way.

This is a situation I've always avoided - but very unfortunately, it takes two to tango. Just because I don't get jealous, doesn't mean my lead doesn't either. I can recall the jealous outbursts, the bad vibes, the seething undertones that may or may not go unvoiced because I connected too well with someone else, the dance too sexual. I've never been jealous - I used to laugh about not minding about sharing. But I do remember being upset that an ex danced only one tanda with me. We did the mature thing, we talked about it. And I felt better, having rationalised that I can dance with him any time I wanted anywhere else.

And what all the hugs and kisses, the embraces and caracias? Not many can handle such, seeing your significant other so well loved by all. I've always rationalised to myself, that regardless of what happens on the dance floor or off, I'm the one he chooses to be with, the one he takes home at night, the one he chooses to maintain the connection with long after the last tanda. But then again, I've been very fortunate in my loves. The breakups have always been amicable, rational, logical. It also helps that I've never been dumped so the ego isn't bruised. That and I don't have to put up with seeing them at every milonga, every class and every festival. Though really, it takes a certain type of person, of mental abilities to be rational and ignore one's significant other's tango crushes.... because as long as you're in tango, there will be tango crushes. What works is knowing that you're love is much more precious than a few tango crushes.

Be careful who you love... and where you love.

Ask & you May receive

2008-03-28T13:54:00.000-07:00

I asked Mark what the readers would like to hear written from me. He gave me some wonderful insights.

However, if you have direct questions for me, then ask away. I may answer them.

One caveat though - my identity will remain secret - even to my friends. I don't like notoriety, and I don't really want to be known. I'm completely against celebrity-ism and love my privacy very, very much.

And for clarification - Mark has never met me :) - Maybe one day Mark. Soon.

Are You Ever Too Old To Learn Tango?

2008-03-28T00:19:00.000-07:00

I was taking the tango class at aMuse gallery recently before the milonga started when I noticed a lively group join us. I didn't know what their occasion was, but these folks had clearly brought the party with them. It was time to change partners and a lovely woman in her sixties rotated to me. She said it was her first time taking a tango class, so I asked her why she'd chosen tonight. She replied that she was there with her husband because it was his 80th birthday. He'd wanted to try tango for years and finally he decided it was time. So, a month earlier he told his wife he only wanted one present for his birthday--to take her tango dancing.

And so he did.

And when their daughter heard they were going, she and her husband drove a couple of hours from down south to share this great occasion with her parents. From the moment this party floated into the milonga until they left hours later they were like a bottle of great champagne wafting around the gallery--you couldn't help but notice the joy bubbling from them.

I had a blast watching the birthday boy and his beautiful wife tango. They weren't concerned about steps or moves or looking good for anyone else (there should be a tango blog about how to achieve this!). Actually, I'm not sure they even noticed anyone else around them--all they seemed to care about was having a great time together.

That, and holding each other in a close embrace...tango after tango.

Damn Sexy In Those Comme il Fauts, Ladies!

2008-03-27T01:24:00.000-07:00

I had a revelation in a great tango class tonight by George Garcia, who is visiting from Hawaii. It's kind of strange to admit it, but for the first time since I started this Argentine tango blog I saw a pair of tango shoes on a woman tonight at class and I knew instantly they were Comme il Fauts.

And then I went to the Cell Space milonga after class & I saw two more pairs & I knew again, instantly, that they were also Comme il Fauts.

How did I know? Because women look damn sexy in those shoes!

And here I sincerely thought that up to this week I couldn't tell a pair of Comme il Fauts from army boots. But maybe my subconscious was noticing them all along. I'm sure there are other sexy shoes out there--I just don't know who makes them.

I'm not sure. All I know is that this recent Comme il Faut blogging got me thinking. Thinking and wondering and contemplating and pondering how a pair of shoes can look so tango on a woman.

I know some women don't like them because they say they're uncomfortable. But I'm not here to talk about comfort.

I'm here to talk about hotness and to say that every woman I've seen wearing Comme il Fauts has got it going on.

Word.

the Amazon Jungle Tango

2008-03-25T20:34:00.000-07:00

Now before you ask, no there is no tango in the Amazon Jungle (seriously).

But to tell this story correctly, we must start at the very beginning... when tangueras give tangueros nicknames. Now, these names can be good, bad, ugly and sometimes downright ridiculous. One guy I know was dubbed "Mr. Sex Face" because of this orgasmic expression he makes once or twice during a tanda as if he was about to... err, ahem. I have never been able to look him in the eye and keep a straight face ever since. Another fellow I've danced with was dubbed "Mr. Darcy" for being stuck up and full of himself. Actually, I've met 3 Mr. Darcy's in 3 different regions of the States, and one of those Mr. Darcy's used to be Mr. Sex Face.

[Madre de dios, if my friends read this, they're going to kill me!]

However, one of the most momentous and most memorable tango I've ever had begins like this...

I was in Denver for the tango festival. Can't recall if it was Memorial Day or Labor Day fest, it all blends together after a while. Anyhow, I was in a class with Robin Thomas and Jennifer Olson (back in the day when they were still teaching together) and we were doing something in close embrace. The leads rotated and I got paired with an interesting European guy who left 3 buttons unbuttoned, or was it 4? I noticed it right away because the Amazon Jungle sprouting from his chest wiggled its way from the open shirt and shagged my face.

At first all I could do was stare with a sort of shell shocked and completely flabbergasted daze. Guess he never heard of manscaping. After the shock wore off and I found myself in a close embrace with Fuzzy Wuzzy's second cousin, not removed enough. The chest hair - technically it's chest hair, to me it was the Amazon Jungle come alive to bugger my nose - I couldn't escape from it! He was leading and I was following to the best of my abilities, though I became severely handicapped with all that fern in my face. So I tried turning my head - oh no, it's now tickling my ear!

And dear god my ears are sensitive, so I turned my face back - to have the Amazon Jungle once again shagging my nose! I was in such a quandary - what in hell was I to do? So I did the only thing I could. I sneezed. Right into the Amazon Jungle.

Needless to say, he was definitely not appreciative of my snot and germs all over his manliness. He looked down at me with the most disgusted look on his face and I looked back up at him - not apologetically, not shyly... I was about to die of laughter! I was thinking inside my head, "how do I always find myself in these ridiculous situations?" The disgusted look on his face was worth it though - he let go of me and I ran to the lady's withdrawing room and collapsed in massive hysteria.

the Tango that Changes

2008-03-24T17:00:00.000-07:00

A dear friend brought something up that was very interesting to me...

There are people we like to dance with and people we don't enjoy dancing with so much. Perhaps there are people we once enjoyed dancing with, but not so much anymore. What happens?

There are people, I've seen this, though have never been apart of this experience, that dance with someone very nicely. But one day they don't dance anymore. Good friends all of a sudden become not so good, because they stop talking to you at tango functions, so as to discourage you from asking them to dance. Huh?

This confounded me for a moment. Thinking back on all my tango friends, the ones I danced with as a beginner, as an intermediate, as a friend, as a lover, as a girlfriend and as an ex. I still dance with a few of my exes when I do happen to see them. We still have that connection. For me, the connection never goes away.

But for others, it is not always the same. J told me that he has experienced changes in connections. Someone he once connected with he may not connect with so well after a few weeks, months, etc. And since the connection is not really there anymore, they discourage chatting, so as to discourage him from asking them to dance O.o

Rather fickle I think. And hardly the kind of dancers I want to dance with. I dance because I love to dance, I dance because it is fun, because I am enjoying the music and I enjoy the person I am with. There are some friends of mine who don't dance very well, their embrace is not as comfortable as it could be, or they try too many tricks, etc. But I don't discourage them from being my friend, nor do I discourage them from asking me to dance.

Sad.

Tahoe Tango?

2008-03-21T00:35:00.000-07:00

My Dad & I just made the four hour drive over to Lake Tahoe today for 3 days of skiing, which of course I'm excited about.

There's only one thing missing: tango.

As we barreled over here today I kept checking my phone with growing envy as my tango posse exchanged emails about whether to go to El Valenciano, La Pista or the Verdi Club tonight. Damn, we've got it good in San Francisco.

So, in my effort to ease my pain of the tango I was missing in SF, I searched online for Tahoe tango, but only found ads for the Chevy Tango truck. I'm getting anxious for any tango, so I watch the Chevy Tango ad on YouTube and not only isn't there any tango dancing in the ad, but they don't even show one person in the entire ad. Tango without people...you gotta love those advertising geniuses.

But I digress.

I resume my search for Tahoe tango by asking the woman working at the front desk. She very politely tries to hide her chuckle at the absurdity of my question.

I head back to my room where I'm alone working on my blog (my Dad's losing his lift ticket money over at blackjack). I give up on finding a milonga and turn on my phone and start playing "Perfume" by Bajofondo Tango Club. I notice my reflection in the mirror fifteen feet away and, getting desparate, I cabeceo, but my reflection turns away, pretending to not have seen my invitation. I'm annoyed--who else is that person going to dance with here!?! And on top of that, that is definitely the worst dancer who has ever rejected my invitation to dance. I let my frustration pass and pretend the rejection doesn't bother me. My reflection looks around the room and finally seems resigned to the fact that it's me or nobody. I cabeceo again and this time my reflection accepts, but with a forced half-smile. We walk towards each other and immediately we both try to lead. Finally, we give up in frustration and walk away from each other.

If I hop into my car right now, I can still make it back to the Verdi club for the last tanda.

Comme il Faut Tango Shoes and Nirvana

2008-03-19T00:53:00.000-07:00

With each passing tango email, class or milonga I realize that, when it comes to understanding women and their relationship to tango shoes, I'm only barely scratching the surface of something I'll never fully fathom. But that's ok. My Czech sister-in-law rolls her eyes every time my brother and I start talking for another hour about the Boston Red Sox or New England Patriots. And that's ok, too.

Viva La Difference!

So, even though I don't understand the shoe gene that women have, I have come to understand that there are three states of being for female tango dancers:

Happiness: Buying/wearing Shoes
Joy: Buying/wearing Tango Shoes
Nirvana: Buying/wearing Comme il Faut tango shoes

Now don't get me wrong, I know there are tangueras out there that aren't obsessed with tango shoes. I just haven't met one yet.

Word.

What's The Big Deal With Comme il Faut Tango Shoes?

2008-03-18T23:00:00.000-07:00

I'm a guy, ok, so caring about shoes just isn't in my DNA. Like my fellow brothers, I just don't have the shoe gene that most of my female friends have. In the past 10 years the only pair of shoes I've spent more than 1 minute thinking about before buying were my Adidas soccer cleats. I spoke to my Irish lads on my soccer team to find out what their favorites were, I got online to do side-by-side comparisons of numerous cleats and I read opinions from the soccer brotherhood around the world. But that was for cleats, for competing, for going head-to-head against another team, for selecting my instruments of victory that enable me to outrun, outscore and outdefend as I kick the other teams ass. (Note: I haven't scored a goal in years and that's a sore subject, so please don't bring that up. And, truth be told, I'm 43 and most of my opponents are in their 20's, so I don't outrun many of those jackrabbits and that's kind of a sore subject, too. Well, I should also admit I don't outdefend much either. So, if you want to quibble over semantics, technically speaking, I don't outrun, outscore or outdefend, but I still kick ass playing soccer!)

But I digress.

The point I was trying to make is this: I don't care what kind of tango shoes women wear. Shoes are shoes.

Or so I thought.

The more milongas I've gone to recently, the more emails my tango friends & I send, the more I realize that women like to talk about Comme il Faut tango shoes. A lot. But you could line up a pair of soccer cleats, work shoes, & Comme il Faut's next to each other & I'd only look at the soccer cleats. I'd never even notice the Comme il Faut's.

Or so I thought.

One of my tanguera friends just told me that Jennifer Bratt (an excellent tango teacher and dancer) sells Comme il Faut's. Why should that matter? Well, um, truth be told, when I heard this I remembered taking a workshop of Jennifers last year at Cafe Cocomo & I remember thinking how great she looked in her shoes & I'm sure now they were Comme il Faut's.

And on top of that, I was at a milonga recently and a friend of mine discreetly announced she was breaking out her new Comme il Faut's for her first tanda. I didn't understand this solemn occasion. I'd already danced two tandas with her in her non-Comme il Faut's and she looked and danced great, as always. But after she put on her Comme il Faut's, I, well, uh, I have to admit she stood out even more.

So, maybe there is something to these Comme il Faut shoes. But I still love lacing up my soccer cleats. And out on the soccer field I still kick ass...no, really, I do.

Trio Garufa's CD Release Party

2008-03-17T21:43:00.000-07:00

As you've probably noticed from this blog, I'm a big fan of Trio Garufa. So, here's a photo from their recent CD release party, which was held at Ashkenaz in Berkeley. Trio Garufa's newest CD is called "La Segunda Tradición" and they played some new tango songs from it, which were excellent. I'd definitely recommend buying a copy. This milonga was awesome and my friends & I were there tangoing until 3:30am...so much tango, such little time.

Tango Shoes III

2008-03-15T13:38:00.001-07:00

Just as a man wants to feel manly, all women desire to feel womanly. However, there are certain parts of a woman's body that is completely overlooked - her feet (you foot-fetish people, get out of your caves and evangelicize, you're too small in numbers to count)! The reason why women are women - beyond the obvious - is that they're shaped differently and thank the gods! And because we women are so different from men, we like to emphasize how much we are different - by shaving our legs so that we're not hairy apes like you. We grow our hair long so we don't look like young boys. We wear makeup, we smell like flowers and all things nice, we bat our eyelashes and wear clothes to accent our curves.

However, our feet are pretty much the same shape as you men, except smaller -and less hairier (egads! perish the thought). So? We paint our toenails, wear toe-rings and wear pretty shoes. We do NOT want our feet to ever be mistaken for manfeet. And we, as females, as women, and as young girls (in our hearts or otherwise) like to pour our personalities into our feet and mostly our shoes. It is like Goya - self expression and art put together! We want our feet adornments to be Van Gogh's, to be Monet's, da Vinci and Michaelangelo - or some women like to simplify and just wear cheetah prints.

We want our feet adored! Our pods for the past several decades have been ignored, thrown out with the stained glass windows in the days when showing our ankles was taboo. Our peds have been relegated to shameful darkened corners of boring body parts [insert sniff and wail here]. Our feet are no longer considered cool like hour-glass figures or dimples in one's cheeks. Even the word feet conjures up stinky, smelly socks, feet sweat and athlete's foot. Yeeeeuuuukkk!

Are our feet not deserving of some attention? Of course it is - we buy a million shoes to give our feet personalities, in all shapes, sizes, colours, prints, big bows, little bows, zebra prints, polka-dots, ankle straps, t-straps, S&M looking straps going in all sorts of directions. We want our feet adored just like our curves are adored, just like our lips are well loved. But men! Men have forgotten to worship our feet and so we must worship ourselves. Men, this is why women go ga-ga over shoe sales, why we tangueras always, always must pay homage to a lady's awesome shoes. Besides the fact that it's a great conversation starter, as well as a way to make a friend, we are giving each other the attention our feet deserve. Each and every one of us know what it feels like to have a forgotten body part, considered unfeminine and boring. But we women want to be feminine, cute, pretty, gorgeous, beautiful, from the very tops of our heads down to the very tips of our toes.

And when a woman compliments me on my shoes, I liken it to the way a man feels when someone compliments him on changing the tire, fixing the radiator and installing a new kitchen sink all in one day. And when a man compliments me on my shoes, well now...

He likes me, he really, really likes me :)-

Confessions Blog Now Has Tango Readers In 30 Countries Worldwide!

2008-03-14T11:29:00.000-07:00

Dear Tango brothers and sisters around the world,
I'm happy to say that this little tango blog now has readers from 24 states across America and 30 countries around the world. I knew Argentine tango was a worldwide passion. But, honestly, I didn't expect that we'd have readers from 30 countries so quickly, given that this blog was only launched on December 11.

I wanted to list all of those countries below, so that we have a better idea of where our fellow tangueros are from. I'm listing them in order of number of visits since Confessions was launched.

There are a lot of obvious things below, such as most of our readers coming from the U.S., since I'm based in San Francisco. And I'm not surprised that the UK is our # 2, but I was surprised to see that readers there come not just from London, but from eight different cities throughout England and Scotland (welcome tangueros in Edinburgh and Aberdeen!). Most of our tangueros in France are in Paris, which is no surprise given how famous that city is for it's tango. And I'm always meeting the coolest Canadians that come down to SF for tango lessons or milongas, so it's good to see them at #4. Of course Buenos Aires is our Mecca for tango, but I am surprised that Argentina is # 5 because when I was in Bs As they were at milongas until 6am, so when do our brothers & sisters there have time to get online?

But the most fascinating thing to me is that we have tangueros from Israel, Qatar, and Yemen (welcome tangueros in Beersheba, Doha and Sana!).

Thank you all for helping spread the word. And thanks, too, to everyone that has posted a comment or emailed me--it's been great connecting with tangueros worldwide.

How awesome would it be if we could have a bunch of international milongas in each of our great countries below?!?:
1. United States
2. United Kingdom
3. France
4. Canada
5. Argentina
6. Turkey
7. Greece
8. Mexico
9. Brazil
10. Germany
11. Russia
12. Japan
13. Netherlands
14. Bulgaria
15. Spain
16. Chile
17. Switzerland
18. Czech Republic
19. India
20. Trinidad and Tobago
21. Costa Rica
22. Singapore
23. Malaysia
24. Croatia
25. Belgium
26. Romania
27. Israel
28. Qatar
29. Philippines
30. Yemen

Abrazos,
Mark

Why Women Love Tango Shoes

2008-03-13T20:25:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to pretend I can tell you why women love tango shoes. So, I figured the best way to blog about this was to ask a female friend & tanguera, Jessica, to explain it to me. She's done a great job of that below & I think for the first time I'm starting to get it. Take it away Jessica:

"The love and obsession with tango shoes by tangueras is not as simple as the common affliction of a shoe fetish among women in general.

Sure, a good tango heel is a beautiful object in its own right, and any woman wearing a sexy shoe and a high heel lengthens her leg, walks differently and can look sexy as hell.

But tango, more than any other dance, is about the feet. When we dance tango our upper bodies remain stationary, often pressed together and still. We don't use our hips like salsa. We don't gesture with our hands. As follows we usually even close our eyes. We are dancing with our feet.

As a follow, I don't choose the steps, and my main means of expressing myself with adornments and with my dance style is with my feet. As such a follow's feet are the instruments of her art.

Then there is the aesthetic aspect. So often we follows will go to a milonga in "yet another black dress" and in that case, we can distinguish ourselves with our shoes. A particularly beautiful shoe can be interesting and unique. This fabric or that shiny strap, the look as well as the feel allows us to show off our individual personalities and celebrate our distinction.

As such of course one tanguera will admire another's shoes. She'll pay respect to the other's choice and the time and care she has taken with her appearance. And we love it when a tanguero notices too."

Jessica

Is Online Dating Better Than Tango For Finding Your Soulmate?

2008-03-12T19:38:00.000-07:00

A close friend of mine met a guy recently through online dating and he made a fine first impression. He had an interesting online profile, he was friendly in his emails & he seemed like a nice, smart guy. They exchanged photos and my friend was thinking about possibly meeting him.

Then one night I talked my friend into taking her first tango class and we went together. We walked into the class and immediately she recognized the guy she'd been emailing! The class started and my friend rotated to the guy, but he didn't recognize her.

And now here's where it gets really interesting.

They started their first tango together and she could tell just halfway through it that she could never date this guy. He was "bossy" and every time they made a mistake she could tell through his unspoken frustration with her that he felt those mis-steps were her fault, not theirs, and certainly not his.

Their tango ended and so did any possibility of my friend ever going out with this guy. My friend was able to pick up deeper truths about their compatability (or lack thereof) from one 3 minute tango than was possible from the combination of his online profile, emails and photos.

So, just like I blogged recently on how Argentine tango kicked speed dating's butt, tango has now kicked some serious online dating tail, too! Tango proves, yet again, it's the best way to get to know new people.

3 Surprises To Expect In Your First Tango Class

2008-03-11T22:01:00.000-07:00

Recently I brought a great friend of mine to her first tango class. She loved it, but it wasn't what she was expecting. Why is that? Well, there were 3 main reasons, which I'm listing below. In your first class you'll notice that:

1. Tango isn't as romantic in the first lesson as it appears in performances or on TV. My friend said in the beginning of the class she was so focused on learning the steps, connecting with & following her partner that the romance of the dance was the last thing in her mind. But by the end of the hour she felt like she was getting the basics down well enough to feel like she was finding a tango groove.

2. Tango is more challenging than expected at first. My friend felt that since the professionals make it all look so easy that it would be easy for her, too. Well, it wasn't easy at first, but she did an awesome job of catching on quickly & by the end of our hour she was doing a number of moves with style.

3. The close embrace is, well, close. If you're thinking about trying tango for the first time you should know that most people dance in either an open embrace or a close embrace. The open embrace is typically used in what is called Nuevo Tango and it's very easy to adjust to because you're dancing with your partner nearly at arms length. But then there's close embrace, which is tango's other option. I'll always remember my introduction to close embrace because it was the first Argentine tango lesson of my life. The class started and a woman I'd never met before leaned forward into a close embrace with me. Although I liked it, I thought it was a little forward on her part given that we'd just me. Little did I know that this was normal and exactly what the close embrace is supposed to be--close. Now that I've been dancing tango for a bit I can tell you that I prefer close embrace most of the time, but it takes some time to to get used to it.

Awesome Tango Performances By Christy & Darren and Chelsea & Count At Pachamama

2008-03-10T18:42:00.000-07:00

So, after Seth and Pablo played a few tangos Friday night at Pachamama's in San Francisco's North Beach district, Christy Cote & Darren Lees and Chelsea Eng & Count gave fantastic tango performances. I love this photo above of Christy and Darren--it really captures the passion of their dance performance and shows how much the crowd was riveted by them. You can also see how intimiate it is at Pachamama. I've never seen anyone perform tango in a smaller area (it was only about 10 feet x 10 feet), but they did it with ease. Pachamama's was packed & the applause & "Esso!"s were loud. What a wonderful evening of Argentine tango it had already been...and we were only half way through the night! After the show we raced over the Bay Bridge to Trio Garufa's CD release party--I'll blog on that as soon as I can.

Pablo Motta and Seth Asarnow's Great Tango Performance At Pachamama

2008-03-10T18:40:00.000-07:00

Friday night was one of the best experiences of my tango life. It all started with going with a great group of fun friends to Pena Pachamama for dinner and an Argentine tango show. Pachamama is a landmark Bolivian restaurant in San Francisco that means "Mother Earth." It's also the same site where Joe DiMaggio & Marilyn Monroe had their wedding dinner and one of the coziest places I've ever been to in SF. We went to see our teachers and friends perform and because Pablo Motta was in town from Los Angeles and playing bass to Seth Asarnow's bandoneon. They were awesome! Pablo & Seth played a number of tango songs by themselves and then they played for great performances by Christy & Darren and Chelsea & Count. After Pachamama, we went to Trio Garufa's CD release party, which was also a blast, but I'll blog more on that later. If you haven't had the opportunity yet to hear Pablo and Seth play, please go next time they're in your area--they are fantastic musicians.

Top 3 Things I Learned From My Classes With Oscar & Georgina

2008-03-07T00:31:00.000-08:00

Last year I had an awesome private and a number of group classes with Oscar Mandagaran and Georgina Vargas. They have such a distinctive, seductive style I wanted to blog on what they highlight in their classes. They teach a lot of things, but here are the 3 things that Oscar and Georgina stressed the most that I took away:

1. Connect with your partner. Relax, slow down and enjoy each note of every tango. They intentionally spend time at the beginning of each tango connecting instead of rushing off at the sound of the first note.

2. Solar plex up. Too many people dance with their chest bent over, but Oscar and Georgina emphasize that our solar plex should not be angled down & not even facing straight forward, but instead should be facing up diagonally at a 45 degree angle.

3. More contra motion when walking. Some leading couples don't use much contra motion when walking & it works for them. But Oscar and Georgina teach that we should use it for a more natural walking motion and style.

I hope you enjoy this great video of them above performing at Nora's Tango Week last summer where they bring these 3 teachings to life in spades.

Why Are Women Obsessed With Tango Shoes?

2008-03-06T21:08:00.000-08:00

There's a lot that I don't understand in this world, but over time I'm usually able to figure most things out and the rest I just find a way to live with. In tango, though, I've attempted for a year and a half to decipher that greatest question of all, that most puzzling of puzzles, that indecipherable code, that riddle known only to women. I'm talking, of course, about that wonderful mystery:

Why are women obsessed with tango shoes?!?

Well, I give up. I'm raising the white flag, I admit I have failed, I will never solve this conundrum, I'm not smarter than a 5th grader because I cannot figure it out.

Women are fascinated by not just their own tango shoes (and mine), but especially by other women's. I can't tell you how many times I've been sitting at a table with a female friend as a woman walks by. I'll look at the women's face to see if I know her and my female friend will look at the women's tango shoes (sometimes it's at her dress, but that's a different post for a different night).

I had a conversation with a friend recently at a milonga and it went something like this:
My friend: "Wow, you have really nice shoes, Mark!"
Me: "Uh, thanks?"
My friend: "Do they have a touch of purple in them?"
Me: "Umm, I don't think so--they're black."
My friend: "Do you have any other tango shoes?"
Me: "Yeah, I've got another black pair" (I'm proud to say I anticipated that she'd want to know the color, so I told her black in advance. I have no idea why the color would matter, but I was starting to sense it did)
My friend: "Were they made in Buenos Aires? "
Me: "Geez, I'm not really sure."

My friend ran out of shoe questions at this point. I'm not sure if I passed the exam. I think she was serious with those questions--she had a sincere expression like she really cared about the color of my other tango shoes. I'm very confused.

And now she's looking at me expectantly. I thought this part of the conversation was done, but now it seems like it's not closed. But why? There's a long pause and I sense that she's waiting for me to say something. But what? I feel like I'm trying to tango my way out of a huge pitch-black room that only has one small exit and I can't find my way out. Ok, think, think. She probably doesn't want to talk about the awesome news that the Patriots signed Randy Moss today. So, what else is there? She doesn't want me to ask her about her shoes, does she? No, I start laughing to myself--that can't be it. But I can't think of anything else, so I take a stab in the dark.

Me: "Umm, you have really nice shoes, too?"
My friend (her face lighting up): "Oh, no, these are really worn out...you think so?"
Me (getting the hang of it): "Do you get your shoes from Buenos Aires?"
My friend: "Mostly, every time I go there I go to the shoe district..."

She tells me more about shoe buying in Bs As, shoe color, fit, height, comfort etc. and this time it feels like we've found resolution. I have no idea what that resolution is, but, like I said, I've learned to live with things in life that I'll never understand.

Click "Play" On The Player Below To Listen To My First TangoCast From El Pulpo's Milonga At La Pista Last Thursday

2008-03-05T01:15:00.000-08:00

Tango et Amour, ouch!

2008-03-03T12:53:00.000-08:00

I was in Denver basking in the wonderful organisation skills of Tom Stermitz and his crew. His milongas are always seething with sublime dancers to the number of 400 and beyond. Some nights it looked like BA gone mad. All of the teachers present are highly reputable, no beginning classes, only intermediate and advanced - There's no skirmishes on the dance floor, little traffic jams, no people bumping into each other and just the blissful moments of dancing. Of all the tango festivals I've gone to, Denver is by far the best laid out and best in terms of dancer quality... which is why I continue to come back year after year, regardless of where I am or what I happen to be doing - Denver is a must.

And I'm definitely not the only one who feels this way. Many dancers rave about Denver - and many dancers see the same faces every year. We introduce ourselves, exchange hugs and kisses and dance our life away. One day I found myself incredibly attracted to Ulric (not real name). The two of us together was a recipe for instantaneous combustion. And combust we did. However, it was too good to last - we avoided each other at the milongas henceforth. Sadly, we both loved the same festivals and had the same schedule/routine.

One day - the gods must have cackling in glee - I was about to collect my then boyfriend, Tenzig (not real name) for the last tanda of the night - in Denver. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw whom he was chatting with. Ulric. They turned out to be good friends (they lived on different sides of the continent, were not in the same profession, had a gap in age difference, one had been dancing for a long time, the other a newbie, what were the odds?). I wish Emily Post wrote something for this type of scenario. The only good news is that I am an extremely private person - no one knew I had dated Ulric or that I was dating Tenzig. After I collected myself, I smiled at both of them when they looked at me expectantly, walked right passed them and headed for the bathroom to wash the sleeziness from my hands.

I vowed, after that situation, I will never date another tango dancer again. So in light of the speed dating conversation, I beg to differ. And to this day I still run into Tenzig and Ulric.

Who Needs Speed Dating When We Have Tango?

2008-03-03T11:43:00.000-08:00

OK, first of all two disclosures: (a) I've never tried speed dating, (b) a lot of folks that tango are either married, in a relationship, or single, but not looking. They come to milongas because they love to tango and meet great people. But there are some single folks that are open to meeting the right person and for any of you thinking of trying speed dating instead, let me tell you that tango is the answer. Why? We'll let's do a comparison for fun:

What's going on?
Speed dating: two people who have never met sit across from each other for 3 minutes
Tango: two people who have never met take each other into a close embrace and tango for 3 minutes

What happens after 3 minutes?
Speed dating: even if you want to keep talking to the person, you have to move to the next person. The system dictates.
Tango: after the first tango, you get three more! Then comes the cortina, but you can always dance another tanda or find each other later for more tango. You and your partner decide.

Sounds of the evening
Speed dating: every three minutes someone rings a bell
Tango: you get to enjoy hours of great tango music from Di Sarli, Pugliese, Gardel, Gotan Project, Trio Garufa...

What happens if the two people aren't interested in being more than friends?
Speed dating: Nothing. Contact info is only exchanged for those interested in dating.
Tango: Great! That's the norm anyway--just keep tangoing & enjoy your new friendship. I've made more new friends over the past year from tango than from anything else in life.

What will tango tell me about compatility? Dance a tango together & then ask yourself these questions:
-how well do you work together?
-is your tango based on give and take?
-how do you both react when the inevitable challenges arise (you step on your partner's foot, a couple bumps into you, you just aren't feeling a certain tango & you have a bad dance...)? Does this cause tension between the two of you or do you both laugh it off?
-how comfortable are you two in a close embrace?

Winner?
It's tango by a TKO! I could go on but this feels like piling on. If this was a little league baseball game it would be called by the "mercy rule".

Tango wins, yet again.

My Tango Class With El Pulpo

2008-02-29T16:59:00.001-08:00

I took a fun class from El Pulpo last night at La Pista. El Pulpo, ("The Octopus" in Spanish) is visiting from Buenos Aires and he's so named because of his intricate, intertwining leg movements (see video). Aside from having fun learning these new, octopus-like moves, the important thing El Pulpo stressed is the importance of relaxing your whole body when dancing tango. Too often my upper body is tense & I know I unintentionally transmit that to my partner.

Tonight is El Pulpo's last night teaching in San Francisco. But he has one more class tonight at La Pista, which I'd recommend taking if you can. Women, in particular, seem to really get into his teaching.

Also, I want to give a big shout-out to Tom, who runs La Pista. Tom and all the teachers there have done a great job of building up these classes and milongas. It was more crowded last night than ever with a wonderful mix of dancers of all levels.

Dank U

2008-02-27T15:35:00.000-08:00

That's Dutch for thank you. And this is in relation to the "why won't he dance with me" thread. I've called a few tangueros across the States, as well as beyond the States to survey the answer.

One thing I hadn't thought of was this - I won't dance with a woman who offended one of my friends. Some people are loyal to a fault when it comes to their friends. I can well understand my dislike of someone who offended one of my bosom buddies. And I have shunned a few dancers in my day because of this very reason. So my dear ladies, be careful of who you're rude to - or better yet, it is a better policy to be rude to no one.

A woman's aroma - though rare- my affect some people the wrong way. Too much perfume will nauseate, some perfumes are just so heady it is overwhelming to the senses or some gentlemen even prefer women with no perfume. And by the end of the sweaty night, even the most well groomed of women may become an embarrassment. To err on the side of caution, I bring along a small bottle of soap smelling eau de toilette. No one objects to the clean smell of soap, regardless of the most discriminating of nostrils.

Sigh - tango is indeed a two way street. Just because one person feels a connection doesn't mean the other person feels exactly the same way. Although I have a funny story to tell on this one.

------ I was dancing at a local favourite. A gentleman of great esteem found himself smitten with me after a time. This was a few years ago. I just found out about the crush along the grapevine a few months ago. The gentleman is American - a significant factor. I've always believed that the push for equality and political correctness in this country went too far and the mating rituals and rules got really fuzzy down someone's toilet. Where I come from the males and the rituals are a little more clear. Generally if a males sees a female he likes/adores he goes after her with due attention. Makes perfect sense to me.

The grapevine that told me of this long ago crush made me smile with irony. I had a crush on him too, around the general time he had a crush on me. However, I believed since he didn't give me any indication whatsoever that he had any partiality towards me, I summed it up as a dead end endeavour. Ships passing in the night, I guess.

Onward we go---

Mark dear, it's such a sad, sad thing to hear you won't have a tangeura who's better than you. You're missing out. I've danced with many beginners, some good, some bad, some extremely regretful and some wonderful. A tango is a tango is a tango - all precious when done right. As for the intricate movements, the fancy boleos, double ganchos, they're just window dressing. To me, those things are like Christmas presents - pretty wrappings, but hardly the present itself.

One of my favourtie dancers is Robert Hauk out of Portland (he teaches too). He's not into the fancy stuff and some women confess they don't know why he's so popular. To be honest, he's no Homer or Murat, but the ladies who have danced with him say something like this...

"An ocho with Robert, is no ordinary ocho. It is the delicate and sublime movement of your body in accordance to music and man." Hmmm... Yum.

It's not what you know my dear, it's what you do with it, and most importantly HOW you do it. I've had sublime dances that were just mesmerizing walks and slow, sensual turns about the floor.

In the end it's how you feel that matters most.

Tango Rejuvination

2008-02-27T12:06:00.000-08:00

A long day at work, a longer drive from Marin back to San Francisco, I'm not feeling energetic about doing a tango class as I finally find a parking spot. I slowly get out of my car and feel the chill in the air. But across the street I hear a slow, alluring tango floating out of the studio, down the sidewalk, around the faces sitting next to each other at the tables in front of a French cafe, the notes linger there enjoying the conversation, finally they turn red and yellow and flow inside Coleur restaurant where they mix with blue salsa notes swimming upstream.

I'm inside the studio now & I feel the warmth of the people. I look around & realize this class is so San Francisco...such a wonderful mix of people it feels like the UN, but with better dancers. A tall African-American woman glides through backward ochos while her face beams. To her right is a short, semingly shy Asian-American woman wearing glasses who has just rotated to a tall Caucasian man. He is so happy to see her he picks her up in a big bear hug & her feet are now dangling three feet off the ground, which breaks through her shell & she can no longer contain the big grin that spreads across her delicate face. To her right is an Italian man talking to himself as he repeats the leader's steps over & over again. His face is intense with focus at first, but then slowly relaxes as he gets better at the move with each run through.

I'm feeling rejuvinated now. This class is about to end and I'm ready for mine to start. Christy Cote is teaching the class how to cabeceo in her usual endearing way. The class takes partners as they begin their last dance, full of joy to tango, but sad it's their last of the night. Their class ends, mine begins. I'm energized now by the music and friends. I walk to one of my favorite partners and we take each other into a close embrace for our warmup tango. I'm very happy to be here...

3 Reasons Why I Won't Ask A Woman To Dance

2008-02-25T22:08:00.000-08:00

As usual, Sappho has posted a provacative question: "why won't men ask certain women to tango?". She even speculates as to the possible reasons: "Am I not good enough? Maybe he just doesn't like my style. Maybe I'm too short/tall/skinny/fat/etc." Such explanations are possible, I suppose. I know I've wondered if some women won't dance with me because I don't tango well enough. And, yet, while I can't speak for all men, there are three reasons why I won't ask a woman to dance, but they don't have anything to do with the reasons above. Women, I don't expect you to think my reasons are logical any more than you should expect us men to understand your fixation with tango shoes, but here goes.

Let me explain, one by one.
1. I won't ask a woman to tango if she's a lot better than me. This is because I feel like I'm pulling her down to my level and, anyways, how interesting can my tango be for her if I can't match her level? Yea, part of this reason probably mixes in some of my male ego, too, but I'll leave the psychoanalysis to others. I will dance with a woman that's a little better than me, but not a lot. If a woman is a lot better than me I'll wait a few months & hope I close the gap. Sometimes this works, sometimes it bombs. There's an Alicia Keys-like tanguera I've wanted to dance with for a long time, but whom I hadn't seen in 2 months. Well, I saw her at a milonga last week & even though I've gotten a little better, she's gotten a lot better! So, now she's a mile better than me & at this rate I'll probably never ask her to dance. Yeah, I know--this probably seems crazy in a lot of ways. But it's my code & I'm about as likely to change it as I am to ask for directions while driving.

2. I won't ask a woman if she's in a relationship/married & she & her partner mostly dance with themselves. Some couples love dancing with other people & some couples mainly dance with themselves. It's their prerogative & I'm cool either way, but I pay attention to this stuff. I am not going to do anything that would remotely be perceived as trying to cut in.

3. I won't ask a woman to tango if she's in a relationship/married & I'm particulary drawn to her. This all starts with the unspoken code men have about respecting boundaries with each other and their girlfriends/wives. This is really all about the Golden Rule. Don't get me wrong, there's a small percentage of would-be players out there who don't respect these boundaries, but a cautious eye is kept on them. The vast majority of men, though, honor the code. I met a very nice couple in class once & when I rotated to her I was only thinking about the move we were working on. We took each other into a close embrace and immediately we had a connection I experience only 3 or 4 times a year. I felt it from our first salida--we were in synch the whole song & our give-and-take was rare. It kind of spooked me because I normally only have that kind of connection with a woman if we're dating. The song ended and I could tell from her glance she noticed it, too. I'm not sure who had the more confused "how the hell did that just happen!?!" expression. But she's in a relationship, so even though it was the best tango I'd had in 6 months, I also knew it would be our last. I saw them at a milonga recently, but couldn't ask her to tango...a brother's gotta respect the code.

P.S.
Sappho, although I've never danced with you, I can tell from your posts that you're an excellent dancer. I doubt the guy hasn't asked you to dance because you're not a good enough dancer. As I mentioned in my Reason #1 above, you might be too good! But I need to raise one other possible reason. I know guys that won't ask a single woman to dance if they're too drawn to them. Personally, I make a point of asking these women to dance--it creates a great tango vibe. But I know guys that feel awkward dancing with women they are particularly intrigued by. So, it's possible he's taken by you. I'm sure this wouldn't be the first time you've met a guy at a milonga that's fallen for you.

the Tango that Never Happened

2008-02-23T14:19:00.001-08:00

Life's full of tough choices, my friends. Luckily, the toughest choices we have to make as tangueras & tangueros is who to dance with.

In a small community where everyone knows everyone, there isn't much choice. You just have to dance with everyone or else be considered a snob. You may have your favourites of course, but still. In a larger community or a festival, you can get away with a "list". Please allow me to relate how a "list" came about and how to compile one.

I arrive at a festival or say... a tango community where I happen to be visiting for whatever reasons. The first thing I do is put on my tango shoes. This signals to everyone I am ready to dance. Also this is a great way for making conversations with the ladies, which is of the utmost importance, at least in my esteem. The ladies present at tango festivals have vast amounts of knowledge that is not to be ignored. First things first, compliments are called for. We ladies greatly enjoy receiving compliments and I adore giving compliments as well.

"Great shoes! Are those Comme Il Fauts/Neo Tangos/etc?" Hence the importance of putting on your shoes. This allows other ladies to compliment each other on their shoes and create conversation. Besides, checking out someone's shoes is great fun as well as having them check out yours.

After the great shoes conversation we make more conversation with more personal questions. Then comes the biggie.

"So... please do tell, who are the gentlemen here I should/shouldn't dance with?" Each of us have danced with people who are divine and those less than divine, or even downright scary. Girls like to talk. As for the guys, please do not deny. You guys talk too, just in different ways and not always in the powder room together. Each person has their list of should/shouldn't-dance-with-people. I believe it's important when at a festival or unknown place to find someone who does know and get their intake.

For instance, this has saved me from dancing with a certain gentleman who has a tendency of rendering followers into sacks of potatoes. The girls had warned me and I took their warning to heart. Then later I saw a hapless woman with a pinched face being bandied about the floor like she was the newest bag of cous-cous. I felt bad for her and glad for myself and the girls who warned me. Most important is the Do Not list.

Then there is the must dance with list. This list is generally longer than the Do Not list. Most girls are not mean or evil and do not put a gentleman's name on the Do Not list unless she had a thoroughly miserable time. Also, I firmly believe that the tango world is overall a positive and outwardly looking society and we like to focus on the positives. Sometimes the Must Dance With list is long (a rather wonderful thing) and we can't dance with them all in one night/festival/event. Which presents a dilemma.

And then here's the iffy and tough part. Those on the Must Dance With list we try to get their attention, get introductions, etc. After that, we angle for dances. Sometimes those dances never happen. There have been instances when two incredible dancers, being apprised of each other's talents, become like ships passing in the night. A few women have come up to me and told me of gentlemen, who have been introduced, known and chatted with, who never asks them for dances. Even more bizarre is when these gentlemen turn down the lady when asked.

"I don't understand it. I don't think I'm a bad dancer. Yet he never dances with me."

It begs the question, why won't he dance with me? My answer... who knows? Thinking back upon my experiences, there is this one gentleman whom I see and chat with at all the festivals we see each other, which is several times a year. We seem to have the same schedule and like the same festivals. He is gentlemanly and has good manners and is a great dancer. He's one of those die hard tangueros that will dance until the dawn. He dances with all my friends and we have mutual friends in common. But he has yet to ask me to dance. When I catch his eye, he smiles and leads another lady to the floor. He has never been rude in any way, but he has never indicated he would ever be interested in dancing with me. So why won't he dance with me? Am I not good enough? Maybe he just doesn't like my style. Maybe I'm too short/tall/skinny/fat/etc.

Ladies, please don't do this to yourself. Who knows why he won't dance with you/me and in the end, who cares? There's so many other dancers out there, so many possibilities and so much enjoyment to be had. I spared this gentleman perhaps 15 minutes of my mental space, wondering why. Then a another dancer asks me for a tanda and he's out of my thoughts. Who cares why he won't dance with me? All that matters is that I'm dancing, I'm having a wonderful time - that you are having a wonderful time, meeting people, and hailing to the gods of tango.

My Great Tango Private With Diego Escobar & Angi Staudinger

2008-02-21T21:36:00.000-08:00

I just had an excellent private tango lesson with Diego & Angi. As you can see from their video, they have a wonderful sense of style and elegance. Everything they do looks so natural and effortless. I also took a super tango class of theirs at the Slovenian Hall Monday & they gave a fantastic performance afterwards. I think they were planning on performing two songs at first, but with the loud applause and the crowd chanting "Otra vez!" in unison they happily performed a third.

What did I learn in my tango private tonight? It's hard to boil 4 pages of great tango feedback into a few gems. But one intriguing thing is that they teach when the leader is stepping forward on 3 in the parallel system before going into the 4/5 of the cross that men should basically keep their chest forward. This is in contrast to most teachers I've had that say in the tango basic men should rotate their chest to the right towards the woman on 3 in a contra-body motion. I'd never walked going into the cross this way before on 3, but I must say it felt very natural. And Angi said it avoids the situation where sometimes men will rotate their chest so much that women think we're leading them into a side step. Anyway, I'm going to try it out this weekend or at least try less contra-body.

Diego and Angi leave tomorrow for NYC, so for our tango brothers and sisters out there representing on the east coast, I'd highly recommend taking classes or privates with them if you can. I haven't tangoed in NYC yet, but the word in the milongas here in the Bay Area is that you have an awesome tango community out there!

Esso!: Chicho Frúmboli & Eugenia Parrilla

2008-02-21T00:05:00.001-08:00

Like you, I've seen countless great tango videos, but this is one of my all-time favorites. Chicho and Eugenia's musicality is amazing, their interpretation of La Poema so organic, and all of it set in this dark, sultry hall in Lubljana.

5.6 Earthquake Doesn't Impress Tangueras

2008-02-19T23:55:00.000-08:00

Of all the joys of living in San Francisco, one of the greatest is getting to sway in our earthquakes. It's not that they happen every month, but they hit often enough that you get used to them after awhile. Just like my first girfriend (Ellen, sixth grade, Mystic, CT), my first Czech beer (Pilsner Urquell, Hotel Atrium bar, July, '92), and my first time meeting my 3-month old nephew (Caimin, Savannah, GA airport), I'll always remember the excitement of my first earthquake. It struck only two weeks after I had moved here from Prague. It was a 3.something, so pretty small, but it felt like an 8.0 because it was my first. But the last one a few months ago was a 5.6 and it hit while I was driving to a milonga for my tango fix. I was sitting at a red light when suddenly my car started to buck so much I felt like I was riding a Texas bull. I thought at first my engine was giving out, but then I realized it was an earthquake. Like any other self-respecting San Franciscan, though, I don't break for such tiny shake & bakes, so, I kept driving just like nearly everyone around me. Everyone, that is, except for one car that pulled over. I knew they must be out-of-towners and, sure enough, they had Kansas plates. Funny thing about our brothers from Kansas--they don't like it when the earth starts rocking, but they don't bat an eye at a tornado. I'll take an earthquake over a twister any day. Anyway, I made it to my milonga on time & during my first tango asked my friend if she had felt the trembler. She had, but she was paying a lot more attention to her backward ochos than some quake. You gotta love San Franciscan tangueras--they've got their priorities right.

Word.

Your Close Embrace With Victoria and Sappho

2008-02-18T10:59:00.000-08:00

I want to take a moment between tandas to thank all of you who keep coming back to our tango Confessions. To be honest with you, I'm surprised how quickly our community is growing here. But from the emails you've sent me, it's clear that you're embracing Victoria's poems and Sappho's openness as if they're the last tango of the night.

I hear La Cumparsita* in the background, but that's ok--we'll meet again at tomorrow's milonga.

Break My Heart

2008-02-17T18:51:00.000-08:00

I adored him because he held me in his arms as if he would love me forever. During his favourite songs he would hum them as he danced, lending his aire of musicality another dimension. And I danced with him as if he were apart of me, an extension of my heart come to life in milonga form. This was his draw to the followers, he would hold all of them as if he'd love them forever. Young or old, no matter, they all felt like reincarnations of Grace Kelly and Ginger Rogers when embraced by him. And I fell, though at the very least pride would not let me become the proverbial ton of bricks. I fell the way Rome fell, slowly and with some cajoling and a whole lot of decadence.

I met him quite randomly, as we meet everyone quite randomly at tango festivals. He liked to wink at me, sometimes before and sometimes after he cabaceo'd me to the floor, my heart pitter-patter-ing for his gracefulness. When in close embrace I would be eager for his heartbeat and when in open embrace his dark eyes would light a fire inside mine the way Vesuvius lighted Pompeii. Sometimes he would purposely seek me out when his favourite songs appeared, saying "I feel like a cheeseball singing this song into anybody else's ear." And I would tease him, replying "oh? Probably because you're trying to impress everyone else!" And we would tease each other on and off the floor, with our words, our body parts, our ganchos and boleos. In his arms, ochos were not just ochos but a divine compilation of my body and his sweetness. He was always and of the utmost, a gentleman. It's not every man who considers a woman's height, weight and style to his own and adjusts accordingly... and then escorts her back to her seat at the end of the tanda. By the time the sun was rising through the windows, my head was laid upon his shoulders (I don't do this just for anyone, you know) and something just fit somewhere in the ether.

He asked me out for brunch with his surviving friends as the time drew close. I declined. I already had plans with friends, I said. Code of honour had it that I never blow off friends after making plans. But I would like to dance with him again soon, I said. And so we did the next night. And the next night. He asked me out again but again, I already had dinner plans with friends. Somehow it happened that his friends and my friends were at the same dinner table that night. He wouldn't sit next to me however, a preference for sitting across from me, all the better to look into my eyes easily, he later confessed. We connected on so many levels and of course, ultimately the dance floor. One time he even plucked a flower off one of the tables and placed it in my hair during a tanda.

I'm not quite sure where the beginning ended and the end began, but we didn't dance anymore. It's not easy to carry on a romance at a festival when everyone is so far from reality and then to maintain that romance ongoing. At a later festival I'd try to catch his eye, watching him catch someone else's eye. I'd watch him hold someone else in an embrace that spoke of eternity, swearing I could hear him hum. But it wasn't for my ears, as the arms holding him were no longer mine.

Tango is the dance of love, passion and sensuality. Having your heart broken is the price you pay for having too much of that passion and sensuality centered on any one person at any one time. For the ladies that journey to BA in singledom, beware. The proof can be seen with redden eyes in darken corners and the sniffling in the ladies' room. Though I don't mean to intend that this happens only in BA, mine was broken in Paris. So not only was I another statistic, I was also a cliché. However, it did prepare me for BA.

And this isn't just for the ladies alone - the gentlemen of my acquaintances have had their hearts broken as well. There are so many lovely ladies with passion and charm, all waiting to melt into a desirous connection. What surprises me is that it doesn't happen more often! Yet I will be glad for my own sanity anyhow, that it doesn't for me. Not only did I lose a wonderful lover, I lost a favourite dancer! I learned my lesson. Once bitten, twice shy and all that - dancers are dancers and lovers are lovers and ne'er the twain shall meet! Or at the very least, my heart and I will tread thrice carefully.

Foreward: Some time passed, and it happened that that same gentleman caught my eye in Denver. He cabaceo'd me and I stared back. I deliberated. Should I? Shouldn't I? If I did, would it still be the same? If I didn't would it convey I'm still smarting over trifles? I deliberated long enough to make him wonder. Then I smiled and nodded towards the floor. We danced. It was fabulous, but nowhere near the time when Rome fell.

Favourites

2008-02-13T18:31:00.000-08:00

For the experienced festival goer, an obvious pattern exists among the dancers present. That ever elusive connection of all connections is of course duly sought after, but once found, by god and all that is holy shall not asunder. And the next best thing, the great, great connection, a dancer that fits into our arms and bodies like Linus' blanket, shall too become like Linus' blanket, always with us. This is fortunate for the dancers wrapped up in each other. This is not so fortunate for those who wish to dance with either of them.

The good news is that when we see these favourites of ours, we dance and we dance until someone else peels us apart. And then later in the night we find each other to dance some more. The bad news is that we don't dance with a whole lot of people due to the Linus Blanket monopoly.

At every festival you can see this happening, certain couples remain on the dance floor tanda, after tanda, after tanda. And should you ever see them leave the floor and catch their eye, they're on their way to the restroom! Of course, I may complain here, but I have been guilty of this upon occasion. Okay, more than upon occasion. Sometimes it's just not even the best of the best connections. It could be something else, someone we just enjoy dancing with so much. Maybe it's because you adore the way they hum the music in your ears, or the way your cheek rests against theirs so perfectly.

My personal favourite is a certain gentleman, who shall go unnamed otherwise I'm going to get phone calls, text messages and emails from all over the country, saying "You!". Anyhow, this special gentleman, who is bean pole tall, makes it ever so convenient for me to lay my head against his chest and strain to feel his heartbeat. He moves me effortlessly and I feel like I'm among the clouds. I don't have to strain my neck, or decide where to put my head, for his arms wrap about me as if he would love me forever. It's the perfect head rest I tell you. I haven't always connected perfectly with him, but that head rest is perfect and it's as if I'm dancing in my dreams. And when the tanda ends, he can hear my whisper in his ear, "more please...."

So my dear friends, this is an unsolvable dilemma and I dare you to join it. It is a bit selfish to monopolise someone's time like that, but darling, it's absolutely mutual. And do keep in mind that these favourites probably live far away and can only be met and danced with at festivals. Very often we call each other and say... " meet me in _________ for the festival." So please, do understand. We do dance with other people and I think it is acceptable to ask someone in the lobby to save you a dance. Heck, sometimes I request the dance days in advance! And really, we do try to dance with other people, we make an effort to dance with our mutual friends and those we haven't seen in so long. It's just that sometimes we get caught up in the moment and that moment turns into hours. And if you can't understand, then please accept our situation. And may you find your favourites too.

Our Tango Festivals

2008-02-10T12:00:00.000-08:00

We come from all over the globe, driving for hours and even flying for days, arriving not tired, but excited. We leave our world behind, a world at times boring, frustrating, stressful, hectic or even wonderful and blissful, along with our homework, our spouses, the office phone/fax (some of us anyways), our kids and our chores. Regardless, when we arrive we know our other lives begin. This is the moment when our minds register that the possibilities are truly endless. For the experienced festival goer, endless dancers to hold, embrace and enjoy. For the inexperienced tanguero, infinite possibilities for screwing up. But you have to learn some time! Infinite numbers of ganchos and boleos are waiting to happen in a world that befriends, embraces, engages, amuse and entertain us with utter delight.

We are not here to compete but to enjoy. We are not arriving to be the best, but to live the most out of every tango, every milonga and every waltz, to stupefy ourselves into exhaustion and drop dead from dancing. We are not dancing to be number one, but to become a better dancer for ourselves and all of our partners, so that we may live every second of every dance to the height of its nirvana.

In night clubs we may see hip hop and salsa, merengue and bachata as sex on the floor, but in Argentine tango it is not sex, but making love, It is teasing, flirting, quarreling; it is foreplay, after play and every describable meaning in terms of passion. It is what we want it to be, what the music begs to become.

And for us, who travel far and wide for this dance, it is not just a dance. We may lose half our wallets getting there and some our hearts, but gain much more than a dance. We, tangueras and tangueros, gain a whole new network, lifelong friends, even lovers, soulmates and the ultimate - that ever elusive, most perfect connection.

For those that don't tango, the world "connection" is pithy, a bit trifle and certainly passé. For those that do tango, the connection is everything. It is the way we suddenly move, together ever so perfectly in tune, in rhythm, in meldoy and by the end of the tanda, our hearts can be felt across the room, beating as one. Take that ballroom dancers! You literally can feel your partner's heartbeat - because if there is a connection to be had, not even Emily Post can stick a hair between the two of you.

And this strange dance, ever so subtle and addicting (I call it an active form of heroine), becomes more addicting the more we learn. And there is a lot to learn. For many of us we need it at least once per [insert time quantity]. For those of us that don't live in an Argentine tango mecca (you Portland, DC, Boston, Chicago, NYC, Houston fiends!), we have to get our tango fixes in once every month (if work/budget/family allows) or once every other month. For some, once a month, a week - and if you're truly a goner - once a day. Every song you hear on the radio, TV, movies is either tango-able or not worth listening to. All your friends become either tango people or those poor schmucks living half a happy life, but only because they don't know better. Your shoes aren't even exciting anymore if you can't tango in them. Don't even get me started on your wardrobe.

Yet of all these things, these wonderful qualities of tango, cannot begin to compare to the most precious of them all - the tangueros and tangueras, the people who become OUR people. We come together completely unknown, unheard of, but put ourselves, our hearts and our passion and our souls into the loving embrace of another. We move together, we share our embraces and let our bodies connect, sweet like a hug, passionate like a kiss and carefully like a friend. We dance till dusk and take naps so that we may dance till dawn. And when we can't dance anymore we drag ourselves to breakfast... with whomever, from wherever, because we just tangoed for life.

And when we have to leave, as reality rudely interrupts, we will remember, swap photos, trade phone numbers, emails and Facebook, we keep in touch here and there. And when next we tango again, it will be as if we never stopped. Truly, we didn't stop.

What Is Tango?

2008-02-09T08:54:00.000-08:00

Tango is my inner sanctuary made manifest in the world.

A Little Tango, A Little Surgery, A Little Vals*

2008-02-05T01:29:00.000-08:00

So, I recently went through my second excellent tango bootcamp and it came time for Christy and Darren to spend the next hour teaching us vals*. I looked around for my friend because I knew she'd be excited that her favorite dance had arrived, but I didn't see her. I felt disappointed because I knew she's usually on call, since she's a plastic surgeon. Sure enough, 90 minutes later she came strolling back in nonchalantly. I started to dance with her and she said had to step out for a bit because a hospital paged her. My friend is too modest to talk about how much she helps people, but with a little prying she finally said a man had badly cut his hand and she had just performed successful surgery on him. I don't know about you, but I don't know too many folks that perform hand surgery between tandas. You meet the most interesting people in tango...

10 Tango Rules Every Man Should Know

2008-01-31T23:10:00.000-08:00

1. The woman is always right. Yes, always.
2. Don't give "constructive criticism" to your partner about her tango unless asked. And even then be careful!
3. Walking well with your partner is more important than trying to lead a bunch of moves.
4. Only take a woman into a close embrace if she's open to it. Some women simply prefer dancing in an open embrace and others don't feel comfortable in a close embrace. Either way, it's the woman's prerogative.
5. Be respectful of your partner's body. Sure, it's fun to try more advanced moves or maneuver in tight crowds, but please be careful not to bump into other couples or unintentionally jar your partner with certain moves or dips.
6. If you need to get off the floor & the next tango has already started, don't walk across the dance floor. Instead, walk straight to the outside of the floor & then around.
7. Personal hygiene, men. And don't forget the Altoids.
8. Don't step backwards unless you're 100% sure there isn't anyone else within 5 feet. If our heel lands on the ankle of a woman we can't see behind us, it's very painful for her.
9. Dance with beginner's, not just more advanced women. We were all beginners once, so we should remember all those generous women that danced with us back when we thought an ocho cortado was an Argentinian burrito.
10. Have fun! We tango the world's greatest dance to the world's best music in a close embrace with wonderful women. What more could a guy ask for?

Las Metaforas Del Baile: Spill

2008-01-29T22:30:00.000-08:00

Spill

Volcada-

my heart spills into yours—

molten gold we merge.

Trio Garufa at the Metronome Fundraiser

2008-01-28T17:10:00.000-08:00

So sorry I didn't post this at the time of their performance...so much tango, such little time. I'm referring to another great performance by Trio Garufa, this time at the Metronome fundraiser not too long ago. You can see in the photos above how packed it was--one shot is more literal, the other a little "Renoir-esque" (I wish I could say that was intentional, but I accidentally bumped my camera). Trio Garufa was in a particularly playful mood that night playing songs from Amelie & their signature tango, Hotel California. So often it seems orchestras are playing for tango dancers from a distance, but this night it felt like Trio Garufa was an intrinsic part of each tango. They played as if inviting us into a move and then we returned the favor. I'm not sure how they've developed this special talent (perhaps because they're excellent dancers, too?), but their songs feel incredibly organic and danceable. And to top it all off, Michelle & Murat were in town giving tango workshops & they gave an excellent performance. Their style is romantic to begin with, but it felt doubly so watching them because their love for each other is so obvious. At the end of their performance they endearingly deferred to one another as to who deserved the most credit for the loud applause from the adoring crowd. I'm not sure who appreciated whom the most this evening...was it the men and women thankful to each other for the tangos, was it the crowd so happy to get to see Michelle & Murat perform, or was it both so grateful to be able to dance to the terrific Trio Garufa late into the evening?

Las Metaforas Del Baile: Ocho Cortado*

2008-01-25T22:26:00.000-08:00

Ocho Cortado*

You will be my golden sun,

I will be your crescent moon.

My Cruel Temptress

2008-01-23T02:22:00.000-08:00

Just when I thought I was making some progress with tango, I have a night like this past weekend. I was at a milonga & my timing was off, I bumped into 3 people during one song (I never bump into people!), and I couldn't feel the music to save my life. And here I thought La Sonrisa was smiling at me so sweetly. But now I don't know...I'm taking a closer look at her and starting to see the faint traces of a cruel smile. How did I miss that before...was she teasing me the whole time? My temptress had me thinking I could catch her, but as I lean forward to embrace her, La Sonrisa only tauntingly laughs. She dismissively whispers in my ear "you won't ever hold me--how silly of you to even try!"

Las Poemas

2008-01-19T02:24:00.000-08:00

These poems are inspired by the many wonderful and generous leaders who have invited me through the threshold of Tango-and shown me new vistas, new insights into themselves, myself and this way of life called the Tango. For all the times I’ve stepped on your toes, missed your lead, or just plain screwed up---forgive me. Thank you for your patience, playfulness and willingness to explore new ways of moving together as we wander down the intricate and amazing path of Tango for a tanda or two. You are all my teachers.

Rumi speaks of the Divine Lover behind the veil of each of our lovers.

If the Beloved is everywhere,

The lover is a veil,

But when living itself becomes the Friend,

Lovers disappear.

Rumi, translation by Coleman Barks

These haiku and poems are dedicated to my dance partners- each a veil behind which I catch a glimpse, feel the embrace, inhale the intoxicating fragrance of the Divine and Dancing Presence of the Beloved at play in the universe.
Namasté.

Close Embrace

Dancing cheek to cheek

our bodies melt and glisten,

I fall into cloud.

"I Didn't Know It Could Be Like That": Carlos & Maria Rivarola

2008-01-15T01:34:00.000-08:00

What a blessing we had last fall with Carlos and Maria Rivarola visiting from Buenos Aires and giving one incredible class after another. If you haven't seen Carlos dance before, check him out in this Tango movie. One of their classes at Allegros (milonga photo above) was best summed up by two of my partners. I was having trouble, so Carlos came over to help & lead her through the move. After the song ended my partner turned to me as if she'd seen a burning bush and said "I didn't know it could be like that". Five minutes later the same thing happened, but with a different partner & after Carlos walked away she was barely able to speak "I...danced...with...Carlos." Seeing a real maestro tango like this was both inspirational & humbling.

Your Divine Invitation

2008-01-13T11:40:00.000-08:00

Wow, Victoria--thanks for an awesome post! I'm sure tango folks understand now why I was so excited that you were going to write Confessions here. And for our readers who haven't started tangoing yet, please take inspiration from Victoria and jump into this wonderful world.

What are you waiting for? Your life will be richer after you dance tango--I promise.

If you live in the SF Bay Area and want to try tango, we're here to help. If you haven't tried it yet because you feel you have two left feet, don't worry--if I can learn tango, anyone can! If you don't have a ride, we'll pick you up. If you don't have a partner, we'll dance with you. If you're shy about meeting new people, let me introduce you to the nicest tango dancers you could imagine.

Your new friends are waiting for you here in tangoland. Please join us...although you don't have to come to us on a stretcher.

How I Came To Tango...

2008-01-08T09:46:00.000-08:00

One year ago I was reading the following poem while out for a late dinner…

A Divine Invitation.

You have been invited to meet The Friend.

No one can resist a Divine Invitation.

That narrows down all our choices to just two:

We can come to God dressed for dancing

Or

Be carried on a stretcher to God’s ward.

-Hafiz (translation by Daniel Ladinsky)

As I read the words, I resolved that I would enter the New Year dancing after one of the most challenging years of my life - one that encompassed having surgery and living with the unknown of a possible cancer diagnosis for awhile ( fortunately it wasn't cancer), the painful ending of a relationship, and several family medical crises.

The poem's message was emphasized even more to me when I fell 5 minutes after reading it and fractured my knee cap. I thought I was through with stretchers, but apparently not. The fall felt like a Universal exclamation point to the poem’s message.

At the time, I certainly wasn't envisioning myself dancing the Tango in 3 inch heels while struggling with crutches and wondering whether I'd ever be able to bend my knee again and return to Bikram yoga classes.

Once gain I was reminded that life is short- so now was the time to do those things that brought me joy. I realized I didn't want to have any regrets at the end of my life over paths not taken. One thing was clear, dance has always brought me joy since I was a young child, and I knew that I definitely wanted to learn Tango before I passed from this earthly plane to the next (where I'm sure everyone is Tango dancing at the Great Milonga in the Sky).

A month after I was out of my leg brace and off crutches I was taking my first Argentine Tango lesson. (My orthopedic doctor would have thought I was crazy if she knew.)

So I guess you could say I came to Tango on a stretcher ….

Dressed for dancing now,

Victoria

What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

2008-01-03T09:06:00.000-08:00

Dear God, what have I got myself into? What crazy, unknown step has Mark led me into this time? I should have known- he once tried to convince me I missed instruction on tango "flips" after I briefly stepped away from a class for a short break. Well, here goes, I guess I'll follow- I do like surprise and mystery. Let the dance unfold......